Good Morning!

I was up just after 6:30 this morning, and I’d like to say that it was my usual time to get up.  Sadly, I often have a hard
time getting out of bed in the morning.  It’s not so bad this time of year because of the early sunlight and the enthusiastic birds outside, but sometimes it’s just nice to stay in bed and get a little more sleep.

Most days it doesn’t matter when I get up, since my job is pretty flexible.  I may be working at 9pm, so being at work by
8:30am is not really required.  That’s both a great advantage and a disincentive for getting up promptly in the morning.

When I need to get up especially early to get an airplane flight or something, I set multiple alarms, and usually stay awake most of the night anyway, because the stakes of oversleeping are so high.  Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t make more sense just to drive the airport and sleep in the parking lot, but a person might still oversleep if they did that.

When I go to bed early I just toss and turn.  No, it’s more of a turn, followed by another turn, and THEN a toss.  Staying up late helps me get to sleep quickly, but doesn’t leave enough time before morning.

With all that in mind, I read a headline today that made me think: “Alarm Clocks Blow up at Ikea Stores in Belgium, France and The Netherlands.”  I was compelled to read on, only to find that this isn’t a feature of these alarm clocks, but that the three devices in question had been sabotaged by some Ikea hating individual or individuals.  Fortunately, nobody was hurt, except for one guy who had a ringing in his ears.  I’ll bet!

Overlooking, for a moment, the criminal intent of those responsible, I think you’d agree that an alarm clock that might explode would probably cure a person from lingering in bed too long.   I’m afraid, though, that I’d just stay awake,
listening for any tell-tale signs of the impending “BOOM!”

In fact, sleeping between the mattress and the box spring would offer some pretty good protection, though it wouldn’t be very comfortable.

Maybe it would be better to have a non-lethal alarm clock – perhaps one that activates a fire hose pointed at the sleeper who hits the snooze button one too many times?  I’m sure that it would be refreshing, and probably make a morning shower redundant, but the shock might just be too much.

I hope they catch the person or people who intended harm with the rigged-up alarm clocks at Ikea.  But, I also hope that some enterprising individual will consider what I’ve laid out here for fool-proof wake-up devices.

If reading this column has made you drowsy, I apologize.  I also admonish you not to let those heavy eyelids drop until you’re done with the paper.  If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I hear a very soft “tick, tick, tick” sound.  It could be my imagination, of course.  But, do you want to take that chance?  I didn’t think so.


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Filed under 2011

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