(This happened last September. I remember it as if it were yesterday.)

My hands are sore from pulling weeds that are taller than I am. My shoulders too. And my hamstrings are sore from pulling weeds that are tiny and close to the ground, which seems to get further away every year. And, I’m irritated about getting older. So, I’m crabby.

As a crabby American, I have given myself permission to share with you a number of things that I’ve had just about enough of. Like ending sentences with prepositions. Or sentence fragments.
Here’s my list:

• Cooking shows on TV. How many times can I watch somebody roll out dough, or sauté onions and garlic in extra virgin olive oil? And, is there such a thing as “just enough virgin olive oil?” Also, just once I’d like to see one of these television chefs taste what they’ve prepared and say, “Oh, this is just terrible!”
• Spam texts. Robo-calls to my cell phone – especially the one that starts with a horrible boat horn. I’m not sure what that one is trying to sell, because I hang up instantly.
• People who write “your” instead of “you are.” Nobody’s perfect, and I am far from it, but it amazes me how often otherwise intelligent and well-educated people type things without proofreading before posting them on Facebook.
• Speaking of Facebook, I’m tired of people making cryptic remarks about something really bad or really good happening to them. Just tell us. Don’t make us ask.
• Some people, like the guy who was interviewed by one of “The Daily Show” reporters, who said, “I’d never call a redneck names.” How magnanimous.
• The guy ahead of me in line who buys eight different kinds of lottery tickets, three obscure brands of cigarettes, and pays with a check.
• Reporters who interview other reporters instead of bona fide experts.
• Candidates, state parties, national parties, Senate campaign committees, House campaign committees, and various other political groups who incessantly ask for money by phone, mail, and email. I understand their desire for money, but enough is enough.
• Fountain drink dispensers in convenience stores that are out of the flavor I want.
• Crickets.

So, as you see, I’m a pretty crabby American. After a good night’s sleep, and a couple of aspirin, I’m sure my attitude will improve. And, all I’ll have to do to keep my positive perspective is not turn on the TV or my cell phone, and stay out of convenience stores.

The crickets, on the other hand, will be around for a while. And the politicians.


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