Another Ten

The Ten Commandments are quite famous, after all these years.  That doesn’t mean they are universally obeyed, by any stretch of the imagination, but at least most people have a pretty good idea of what they are, or at least can summarize them.

Other religions, too, have their lists of rules to follow, but we won’t go into those right now.

What I will do is put forth some thoughts about ten additional commandments for your consideration.  Of course I’m not putting myself on the same status as God, and in fact, commandments is the wrong word to use.  Suggestions might not be strong enough.  How about guidelines?

You probably have some of your own to submit.  But, for the sake of discussion, here are my “other ten:”

11.          While walking, thou shalt not look to the right while turning to the left.

12.          If talking on a phone or sending a text, thou shalt not engage in any retail transaction, lest the earth shall swallow you up for eternity.

13.          Woe be unto he who says “free prize.”  All prizes are free, lest they not be prizes.

14.          Thou shalt not travel in passenger aircraft while laden with intestinal gasses seeking their freedom.

15.          Use some common sense and common courtesy before it becomes extinct.

16.          Ye, I say unto you, weareth thine capris pants, for they look fine.  They just aren’t my favorites.

17.          It is written: the lid to the juice container must be put on properly, or woe be unto he who shaketh it, as it shall leak.

18.          If your name is Barbara, and you say you are calling from Google to update my account, I deny thee, and condemn thee to my rejected call list.

19.          If there is a burning bush, it is because you burnethed thine brush on a windy day.  Wait for calm, and have shovels and buckets of water handy.

20.          Lo, it is commanded, offer not to search for ticks unless you really think there might be ticks, and not just to start some hanky-panky.

So, those are my second ten guidelines by which to live.  Consider them a rough draft.  Very rough.   They certainly won’t help you find eternal life, but might come in handy on a day-to-day basis.

It probably wouldn’t hurt  to review the original commandments too, while you’re thinking of it.  There’s one about coveting your neighbor’s lawn tractor, I think.

 

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