I used to watch David Letterman a lot when I was younger. I liked his naughty boy approach to humor, and his enjoyment of absurd physical comedy, like dropping watermelons off of rooftops. Over time, though, I guess I’ve matured a little (it’s barely perceptible), and he seems to have turned into kind of a mean old man. The episode of him having sex with subordinates at his office didn’t help my impression of him any, but it’s mostly his nastiness to anyone with whom he disagrees.
I still remember and laugh at some of his early work. He wasn’t afraid to be goofy, and at 11:30 at night, nobody much minded what he did. He’s on earlier now, of course. There are other viewing choices that I am more likely to opt for these days.
Nonetheless, Letterman invented and still is the king of the top ten list. Realizing I can never even begin to match his talents in this area, I submit to you the following:
TOP TEN LIST OF REASONS TO CELEBRATE SPRING
10. Late night thunderstorms and the sqawking weather alarm keep people from getting too much sleep.
9. The first mosquito brings back memories of bleeding scabs.
8. Lawn mowing fills the void left by no football or college basketball.
7. Nothing helps cat hair stick to a person’s skin like high humidity.
6. Plant the plants. Cover the plants. Uncover the plants. Cover the plants. Etc.
5. Cardinal outside window cheerfully awakens us at 5am.
4. Hatred of creeping Charlie in lawn takes place of hatred of certain politicians.
3. Chance of major snow storms reduced slightly.
2. Young men’s fancies turn to thoughts of love, and older guys try to remember what a fancy is.
1. Road construction.
I hope you enjoyed my cheap imitation of a Letterman top ten list. I think we should all be grateful that his lists, and mine, aren’t top 20 lists.