Since being retired from my weekly newspaper column, I find that I continue to note things around me or in the news as good potential column fodder. Or mudder. But, without that weekly deadline those ideas have been relegated to the “one of these days” pile.
As it turns out, writing those columns each week also provided me with some self-therapy, as I worked through thoughts and ideas. Plus, when I do dumb things or when weird things happen to me, it’s so much more satisfying to share those stories.
So, here are a few things that have happened since I last posted.
A while back I went out to work in the garden, and as I often do, I took my phone out of my pocket and put it on the back of the car. Don’t get ahead of me. As you were just imagining, I forgot it was there and took some sort of trip to town. Upon returning home, I wondered where my phone was. Lo and behold, there it was, still on the back of the car. Thanks to good fortune and a somewhat grippy phone cover, it didn’t fall off. Disaster averted!
Fast forward a few weeks. I’m off to do some errands, but first I need to run up to my office. I put the phone on the roof of the car, right above my door so I’ll be sure to see it. Once ahead, you have jumped ahead of me, but this time your prediction is correct.
After returning home I looked everywhere for my phone and couldn’t find it. I didn’t remember having put it on the car roof, but it became evident that that’s just what I had done. I checked the roadside just off our driveway and I drove slowly, re-tracing my route, but to no avail.
Being a pre-pre-pre millennial, I went on-line and found that Verizon had a service wherein if your phone was looked into Google Mail when it was lost, Google would find it for you! Oh happy day!
My on-line search told me that my phone was on the shoulder of Interstate 39/90 about four miles from our house. It seemed obvious to me that someone had picked it up and, finding that the phone had a password, tossed it out the window. I mused to myself about how I would have tried to return the phone, but, well, society these days…
We looked for it along the roadside, as cars sped by at 70+ miles per hour. A fellow with a wrecker truck stopped to see if our car was disabled, and when I told him what had happened he helped us look for a while. Hmmm. Maybe society isn’t so far gone after all…
Well, we didn’t find it. So I went back on line and discovered that I had been paying a monthly phone insurance fee and, sparing you the details, THAT EVENING I had a replacement phone. That was a good thing, because our land-line phone had once again become unusable. That repair person was expected the next day, but at least we weren’t cut off from the world until then.
Let’s fast-forward again. We’re watching some football game Sunday afternoon when the land-line rings. It’s a neighbor from a mile away. She walks miles every day, and I always wave at her (while silently cursing her for making me feel like such a slug). She found a phone. She had tried to call the “if found please call…” number the previous several days, but all she got was static. But, she tried one last time and got through.
We drove over and picked it up, thanking her profusely. My belief in the deterioration of society was again shaken. She had found it the day I lost it while walking past our house. Basically, she had already picked it up before I knew it was missing.
What have we learned from this story? First, we’ve learned that Google’s phone finder service, at least in this case, was completely wrong. Second, we’ve learned never, never, never to put our phone on the car. Never! And, we’ve learned that the selfish jerk-face that took my phone and threw it out his car window didn’t exist, but that two nice, helpful people do.
The other story I have for you is less interesting. On my way to some business meetings in California I found myself in Chattanooga (and yes, I did sing the song to myself) as Atlanta was being stormed upon. As expected, once the Atlanta airport opened up again the plane I was supposed to have transferred to took off. Three hours later we arrived in Atlanta, just missing the flight I had switched to, which would have taken me back to Wisconsin.
So, after a few hours of sleep I went back to the airport and returned to Milwaukee, sans checked suitcase. It arrived the next day.
There were a lot of upset people on our plane in Chattanooga that night, but it was one of those things. Nobody was a fault. I was a little peeved with the loud people behind me who coughed repeatedly and with such force that I was expecting to feel a piece of lung hit the back of my neck, but that didn’t happen. I’m sure I caught something, though.
Other than wasting a day, there was no permanent damage done. I was able to cancel my meetings and hotel reservation in Los Angeles, and I’m sure the next time things will work out fine. If it isn’t safe to fly, it’s best not to fly. And, if the ground crews at an airport are at risk of being hit by lightning, it’s not worth the risk to have them out there working.
So, that’s my self-therapy for now. I hope you have avoided life’s speed bumps, and – I can’t stress this enough: don’t put your phone on the roof of your car.
Peter Wallace Writes 