Problems with the truth

And Nothing But The Truth  (From February 2015)

Telling the truth, it is said, is the best approach, because if you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what it is you said.  I would like to say that I am always 100% truthful, but that in itself would be a lie.  It is human nature to use fabrications to avoid responsibility for things, or to make ourselves seem more interesting than we are.

NBC News Anchor Brian Williams has said some things in the past that don’t seem to have been entirely true.  His stories were embellished in some cases and fabricated in others.  He isn’t the first public person to do so, and he’s surely not the last.

I have a friend who, while serving in Viet Nam at a post well out of harm’s way, heard gunfire when afternoon, and saw a reporter and cameraman at the edge of a path, with soldiers firing into the grass at nothing.  That reporter, as the story goes, was Dan Rather.

Secretary Clinton was taken to task about a helicopter landing story she remembered incorrectly.  And, Al Gore invented the Internet.  So, I guess there is a storyteller in all of us waiting to get out.

The problem with news people and elected officials making things up is that we have an informal contract with them that says they will be honest with us and that we will be able to trust what they say.

Did Brian Williams rescue a puppy?  I don’t care.  Were his reports from Katrina accurate, or contrived?  Well, I guess I do care about that.  Making news isn’t part of a reporter’s job.  Making themselves look heroic is one step away from painting someone else to be uncaring.

When all is said and done, if we strip down to who we are as people, without jobs or homes or status, our honesty, or lack of it, is who we are.

I think there is a lot of lying going on in Washington and elsewhere these days.  A consultant on healthcare has told numerous audiences that they lied about the Affordable Care Act because if they had told the truth it wouldn’t have been approved.  That’s maybe a worse like than Brian Williams told, except I’m not sure Brian reported on those statements, which would be covering up someone else’s lie.

Brian Williams seems like a nice guy.  It seems like he wanted to be seen as an even nicer, braver, more compassionate guy, so perhaps he told some stories.  Is that really such a big deal?

Sadly, it probably isn’t, because so many people lie so freely and without shame that a person telling the truth must immediately be doubted, or prove that his truth is genuine.

To paraphrase the statement our mothers all said to us, if you can’t say something truthful, it’s best not to say anything at all.

Wouldn’t a quieter world be nice?

Thanksgiving

(From the week before Thanksgiving)

I hear we’re having Thanksgiving next week. That’s nice. One day to be thankful for a few minutes between football and gluttony… and then football again.

I’m being overly cynical. I think a lot of people are thankful every day, realizing what a gift life is, and for those with families and homes and jobs… well, there is very much for which to give thanks.

A lot of the time the thanks we feel is hiding back in our minds. When we see someone who is struggling, or see an article about many of the world hotspots where innocent people fear for their lives – or lose their lives, or their families.

We don’t even need to look that far. A neighbor having troubles reminds us at some level that our situation is much better, and that generates a vague sense of gratitude. We would never wish trouble on them, and in fact, sometimes we feel like we should take the trouble from them out of fairness.

I think it’s important to say out loud to someone how grateful we are with what we have in life. Some people do that in prayer, while others express their thanks sincerely. I think it’s important that we speak about our good fortune to our family members so they too can think about how fortunate they are. It’s too easy to focus on the things that are far from perfect, and complain about them. Easy and reasonable, really.

But to save up many thanks for much good fortune is a hedge against bad things that happen, because they remind us that despite a current bad time, there has been much to be thankful for, and probably will be again.

Thanksgiving Day around our country probably has many expressions of gratitude in many homes. Thousands of people help the homeless and home bound on that day as a means of giving thanks in a tangible way.

The holiday season is very commercialized, but at the same time it provides us with sufficient opportunities to contemplate, give thanks, and consider what we might better do to show that thanks on behalf of people who are less fortunate.

One simple thought: at your Thanksgiving gathering pass a Pilgrim’s hat and take up a cash collection for the food pantry. Even a few dollars from dozens of families would make a difference.

Or, just enjoy your family, and make good memories for which everyone will be greatly grateful years from now.

 

The Morning Discussion Group

The morning discussion group is an interesting phenomenon. It happens in bakeries and McDonald’s, and cafes in small towns and big cities all over the country. Thousands of conversations take place at a leisurely pace each morning among people who have stories to tell and issues to discuss.

The participants are mostly retired folks, though some younger people sometimes participate when time allows. The discussion groups tend to be segregated by gender, with men gathering around a table, and women around another. Sometimes, the men and women are in two different stores all together.

Because I travel alone quite a bit, and sometimes have time to kill between appointments, I find myself within earshot of these morning discussion groups from time to time. Each group has its own dynamic. In some cases, it seems that everybody chimes in with their stories or their thoughts, while other times there seems to be a real leader of the group, mostly due to having the loudest voice. I see that most in the men’s groups.

In the women’s groups there seem to be a lot of talk about family, weather, health conditions, and home repairs. Men talk about family too, but in different ways. They talk about the weather in terms of how they’re prepared to deal with it. They talk about health as an annoyance, mostly.

At McDonald’s, the discussion groupers mostly order a “senior coffee.” That makes me think about the changing demographics of our country, and a potential hyperactive super hero: “Senor Coffee!”

Most morning discussion groups amble in after the busy breakfast time, which means management doesn’t much worry about the amount of space they take up. And they do order more than coffee sometimes.

I guess people who have always worked and had families have always had somebody to talk with each day. As the kids grow up and leave the house (and come back and leave again), and as spouses move on or pass on, it makes sense that a person would crave a social group. Bars provide a place for that kind of conversation too, but not everybody is comfortable with the tavern ambience.

I have to say that I’ve been sharing stories of when I was young since… well, since I was young. It’s important to find new groups of people if a person is going to keep telling the same stories. My family is very kind not to point out how many times they’ve heard each of my stories – or worse, jokes.

As my memory fades a bit from age, maybe a group of older people would be a perfect place to tell my stories. I won’t remember I’ve already told them, and perhaps they won’t remember that they’ve heard them already.

We all need to spend time with people who share life experiences with us, and not as in telling us their stories, but as in living lives at the same general time we did, with similar experiences and joys and sorrows, and looking forward together to see what’s next.

Oh, one more thing: the morning discussion groups all over the country actually solve all the world’s problems each morning, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to listen in, if you can.

 

Hard Jobs

Mike Roe has become famous for his willingness to experience the dirtiest jobs in the world, and be filmed while doing them. Thank goodness I’ve never been in the places he’s been, but of course, the minute he leaves, the regular workers keep doing what they were doing, whether it’s cleaning out a sewer line or artificially inseminating a hippo.

Dirty jobs aren’t always the hardest jobs. In fact, some really hard jobs aren’t physically challenging at all. Here’s an example: every network has a sideline reporter for football games, and most of them are women. Their presence shows how open to diversity the NFL and NCAA are, I guess, but the poor women are put in an impossible position.

They interview coaches as they leave the field at halftime, while they are either angry or really wanting to get with their team. Typical question: “Coach, your team had three interceptions: what are you going to do to stop that in the second half?” The coach then answers, “Not through the ball to their guys.” He runs off to the locker room, and she looks dumb, which she isn’t.

Presidential press secretary is another tough job. All presidents have ups and downs, but during the downs, the press secretary is put in the position of explaining things that are inexplicable, putting a good spin on things that are horrible, and pretending to be “open,” while sharing almost no actual information. And sometimes, perish the thought, flat-out lying.

Also, imagine being the airline pilot who must tell the passengers the flight must be cancelled, due to circumstances he or she can’t control. And, of course, oncologists, with the ultimate bad news to deliver must grow weary.

And, I guess it’s hard to be a husband or a wife sometimes. Not at my house, of course, but, well, I’ve heard stories…

There are thousands of professions and relationships that can be very difficult from time to time. EMT’s, police, firefighters and military are right up there, but so are the kind souls who take care of severely disabled children and adults. And, spouses who take care of each other to the end.

Some people do difficult jobs to pay their dues on the way to a better job. Some people do tough jobs because they know that someone needs to. And some people do hard jobs out of love or a sense of duty.

It’s funny, but I would think being a hospice nurse would be a really difficult job, but from what I’ve seen, they sure don’t act like it.

Maybe the secret is that many of these hard jobs bring the doer the satisfaction of knowing they’re up to the task. Crawling under houses to catch snakes, or dealing with a classroom full of behavior problems masquerading as children of your neighbors – the difference being that you are allowed to grab the snake by the throat – are jobs most people couldn’t do.

Thanks to the people who do the hard jobs, and the dirty jobs, and the seemingly thankless jobs. I hope they know they’re appreciated.

 

How Much Is Enough or Too Much?

Lately I’ve been thinking about our means of determining what people should be paid, and what things should cost. Mostly, the issue is how much top executives are paid, and how little, comparatively speaking, the lowest level employees make.

The disparity between the top earners and the bottom earners has never been greater, it is said, though I would think that the royalty and nobility of Europe would give today’s CEOs a run for their money, so to speak.

Many call for increasing the minimum wage and/or limiting how much the highly paid folks are allowed to make. Here’s my question about all that: who gets to decide how much is not enough, and how much is too much?

Adam Smith, the father of free enterprise economics, suggested that the invisible hand of supply and demand would answer such questions better than other mechanisms. People would be paid equal to their market value, and items would sell for what they were worth.

Our country largely follows Smith’s model, and we’ve done quite well. Our poor people, on average, have a better lifestyle than the typical citizens of many countries. And, our rich people are really, really rich. Some would say they are too rich. But, what’s a fair way to determine that?

For example, imagine someone making $15 million per year. If that person is a CEO, we say that it is way too much, even if she or he is responsible for managing an enormous enterprise with thousands of employees and billions of dollars in assets. If the person is a professional athlete, however, we are less likely to question that pay scale, because it’s clear that the athlete’s value is equal to what a team is willing to pay. But, isn’t that also the case for that CEO? His or her value is determined by what the company thinks it is, and by what other companies might offer to pay.

Likewise, the fellow who cleans the team’s locker room could be easily replaced, having no special athletic skills, so he makes a much, much lower wage.

Telling a company how much they have to pay for an employee goes against the logic of paying someone according to the value they bring to their job. And, for some workers, a higher minimum wage might make their cost to the company greater than their value, meaning they will be let go.

Someone made a point about minimum wage by saying we should raise it to $100 per hour, since that would be more fair than $10 per hour. That’s an example of showing that something is illogical by taking the idea to an extreme.

Limiting how much someone can make has more complex implications, but telling a company how much they can pay makes as much sense as telling them how much they must charge for their product, or even what product they should make.

Life is inherently unfair, and it is very laudable for us to help people move up economically, through extra education, internships, and incentives for hard work. But, I’m uncomfortable having the government tell me how much I can or must pay, or be paid. I might just try out for the Packers some day.

 

 

 

 

Unfathomable

The things going on in the Middle East these days are of great concern to the people who live in that region – particularly people who are not of the Muslim faith, or the particular sect of Islam that the people with the most guns happen to have in that region on that day.

It is comforting to know that the only ones of us who will be impacted by those goings-on are people in the military. And, perhaps there will be some changes in gas prices and such.

We may be missing something. The people who are in charge of ISIS and Al Qaeda and their companion Islamic extremist organizations have a long-range plan that includes, well, everyone. They would like you and me to be Muslims, and for all of us to be governed under Sharia law in a world-wide Caliphate – an Islamic government.

That seems pretty far-fetched, of course. That’s probably what the Europeans thought during the surge of the Ottoman Empire in the 16^th and 17^th centuries. Parts of Europe, up to Constantinople, were swallowed up by those Muslims, who originated in Turkey.

Now, you might say that Christians did their share of empire building too, what with the Crusades and all, and that can’t be denied. And, the Spanish Inquisition was pretty extremist too. Just as all Christians then and now aren’t extreme, not all Muslims then and now are bent on converting everyone and killing those who won’t convert.

A big problem now is that of the 35,000 or so ISIS soldiers, many have US or European passports, meaning they can travel there and here with relative ease. And, there are numerous reports of ISIS members crossing the Mexican border. An investigative journalist even dressed up as an ISIS soldier and crossed the Canadian border into the US.

So, when the ISIS people make threats against the United States, they aren’t just flapping their lips. September 11^th having just passed, I think we need to remember that those folks really do hate us.

I’m not saying you need to lock your doors at night, though that’s good advice anyway, or hide the Bibles. I am saying that just because something is far away doesn’t mean it doesn’t have anything to do with me and you. There are some great books out on the history of conflict in the Middle East, and it might pay to look them up. It has proven to be a big mistake to assume something horrible could never happen here.

How Local is Local

I’ll admit to having a very low pain threshold when it comes to trendy words. I still haven’t gotten over the term “warm fuzzies” from the 1970’s. I equally dislike the term “selfies,” both because of how the word sounds, and the narcissistic nature of what it means.

So, knowing now that I am a cranky old guy who is quick to respond to such things, let me add one to the list: “Locally sourced.”

First, I’d much rather hear that something is “from around here,” or “from this area.” “Locally sourced” sounds like something somebody from UW Extension would say (FYI: I am a former employee of UW Extension) to demonstrate having kept up with the latest research.

Part of my discomfort with the term is that locally sourced things are held up as morally superior to non-locally sourced items. I understand that there are advantages to buying things from nearby, especially when it comes to fresh foods, because they’re likely to be fresher. That being said, we don’t hesitate to eat Alaskan salmon or New England clams or Florida citrus, so non-local things can be okay, right?

Here’s an example of how locally sourced food may, or may not be best:

Let’s say you like Brussel’s sprouts. Right away you’re on thin ice as far as I’m concerned. Now let’s say there’s a grower 40 miles from you, and another grower in Washington State. Well, what if the grower near you drives his sprouts in an old Chevy pick-up to a farm market. Or maybe 20 old Chevys to 20 farm markets. That’s a lot of miles in a lot of trucks getting lousy gas mileage and polluting the air.

Also, let’s say the person 40 miles away wasn’t quite careful enough with pesticides or with organic fertilizer (if you know what I mean). Those Brussel’s sprouts might not be the best for you.

But, it’s possible that our friend out near Yakima is very particular with pesticides and fertilizers, and is one mile from the train line that runs to the Midwest. Trains use very little fuel per ton shipped.

Somebody smarter than I am could do the math, and I honestly don’t know which grower would turn out to be the most fuel efficient, but my point is that being “locally sourced” has advantages, but it isn’t the only factor to consider.

I like the idea of supporting friends and neighbors. I like buying things from local artists, local farmers, and local merchants – even though what they sell is often from Asia.

I currently own two pairs of shoes that were made in America, and that isn’t easy to do. They aren’t made a few miles from me, so they aren’t “locally sourced,” but there’s no ocean between here and there.

So, to summarize, I’ll continue to buy things from around here, but I won’t feel guilty for buying things that aren’t. I also won’t ever get “warm fuzzies.”

 

 

Electoral Soap Box

There are at least two sides in every argument, and sometimes there is truth to be had from various positions. Among those issues where people of good will disagree is the proposition that only people with proper identification should be allowed to vote.

On the one side are people who would like to reduce voter fraud by insisting that people voting in a given precinct actually live there, and meet the qualifications to vote, including U.S. citizenship.

On the other side are people who fear voter suppression if potential voters are required to jump through hoops in order to vote.

Both positions have some merit, I’d say. Where it gets interesting is in the assumption or accusation that the pro-ID requirement people are actively trying to keep certain people from voting, and the assumption or accusation that the no-ID people want non-entitled voters to vote – perhaps numerous times.

Certainly there have been many cases of citizens being prevented from voting – mostly, I think, in the South many years ago, where poll taxes were charged, and other local requirements arose to keep black people from voting. More recently, Black Panther members in military-like garb blocked the entrance to a polling place in Philadelphia, menacing potential white voters in a recent election.

And, sadly, voter fraud isn’t the exclusive property of our neighbors in Illinois. Significant incidents have occurred – largely in Southeastern Wisconsin – over the past 15 years, including puncturing tires of Republican “get out the vote” vans, and eyewitness accounts of school buses full of “voters” from elsewhere visiting several polling places on the same day.

It’s my view that everyone who is entitled to vote should be able to do so – once. The Wisconsin law that the Supreme Court nixed last week intended to do that, I think. I hope another iteration of that law will be offered that answers the concerns of The Supremes.

It seems to me that every non-citizen (of the State or the Nation) who votes illegally cancels-out the vote of someone for whom voting is permitted. It would be wrong for, say, an elderly person to go to the trouble of requesting an absentee ballot, only to have her vote cancelled out by someone who shouldn’t have been able to vote.

The Wisconsin law that was ruled against let anyone without a driver’s license vote via absentee ballot – either by mail or at their village, town, or city office. State ID cards were also available, of course, but getting one was seen by some as too much of a hardship.

Years ago – and more recently in most states – people needed to register in person to vote weeks ahead of an election. Since the 1970’s, at least, Wisconsin was a leader in same-day registrations, and most states have followed our lead.

I’m glad we don’t restrict eligible voters from exercising their right to vote. I hope we can find a constitutionally acceptable policy that protects the sanctity of that right by assuring only those who are qualified to vote are allowed to.

Apologies and Forgiveness

Back in 1977 I made a phone call. It was to a college friend. He had gotten a job as a news anchor in Eau Claire, I think. I was doing some part-time work at a radio station in Oshkosh, and working weekdays in a factory. I had just gotten married, but hadn’t really launched my career yet.

My air shift went until midnight, so around 10:45, during a long record, I called the station where my friend worked, knowing he would be off the air by then.

When he answered the phone I said I’d called to let him know I’d gotten married and such. His response was a rather snippy, “why did you think I would care?”

I took the hint, said goodbye, and shortened my Christmas card list by one. I actually didn’t have a Christmas card list, but you get my point. It stung a bit, and I didn’t understand his reaction, but I reasoned that people move on, and that was that.

Fast forward thirty-seven and a half years, and in the mail I find a letter from this fellow. He apologized for the way in which he responded to me back in the day, and said some kind things about me, and how I had influenced his life.

To say I was surprised would be a major understatement. I was very pleased, however, that he had taken the opportunity to get it off his chest. It was a really courageous thing to do, and I respect him a lot for it. I told him that when I wrote back.

A few years ago I wrote about a woman who had called me on the Jewish “Day of Atonement” to apologize for something she had said or done. I had hardly recalled the incident, but thanked her very much for reaching out to say she was sorry. That call surprised me too, partly because I wasn’t aware she was Jewish.

I say “I’m sorry” a lot, but mostly for little things. There are a few people I’ve wronged in a significant way over the decades, I’m sure, and if I can dredge up those memories – buried in some sad place in my brain – I’d like to think I’d reach out to those people to apologize.

It is said that there are two kinds of sorry: one is unsolicited, and the other is being sorry for getting caught. That’s the one we see most in the news from politicians and other public figures.

Of course the best way to avoid making apologies is to not do anything wrong to anyone, but unfortunately most of us are humans, and by definition we aren’t perfect. It’s good to remember that when someone hurts us or does something thoughtless.

When bad things like that happen, we have the opportunity to forgive the offending party and move on with our lives. When those people take the time and courage to apologize, perhaps they can start the harder task of forgiving themselves.

Word Antiques

I’m not always that happy about change happening, but it would be foolish to think it can be stopped. Even Amish people ride in cars, though they still won’t drive them. At least not yet. For better or worse, change happens constantly, and – ironically — that will never change.

When things change, sometimes the words of the past remain, or evolve into new meanings. Automobiles are replete with such examples. Unwieldy old cars required the driver to use gloves to turn the starting crank and such, so the little box in our cars is called the “glove compartment.” Anybody have gloves in yours?

The “trunk” is named after the location where an actual trunk would be lashed to a vehicle. And, the bottom of a car is called the “under-carriage.” I would hardly refer to my car as being a carriage.

The kitchen is another place for older language. My parents sometimes called our refrigerator an “icebox,” because when they were young, the iceman came(th) and they put ice in the box where the food was. A “stove” is really a “range,” but the word stove comes from the wooden cook stove that both warmed the kitchen and cooked the food. The word “pantry” originally meant where the bread is kept, not the place we keep our pants. A lot of older people call “aluminum foil” “tin foil,” which preceded the modern aluminum product before World War II.

In communications, things have really changed. The idea of “dialing a phone” goes back to the rotary dial, which has all but disappeared. Even “touching” the numbers isn’t required the way it was on a “Touch-tone” phone if you use voice commands. And, if you were to ask someone to define a “phone” now, the function of speaking with someone would probably not be in the top five functions they use, behind texting, looking at Facebook and Twitter, taking pictures, and listening to music.

Also, the term “hang-up” comes from physically hanging the telephone receiver on the phone’s cradle. These days we should say “disconnect.”

Sending a “fax” is now almost obsolete, along with the word, which is short for sending a telephone facsimile. “Typing” something implies a typewriter is involved, but few of them are still in use. Only multi-part government forms calling for carbon copies require typewriters. Speaking of keyboards, you can tell someone’s age if they use the term “return” for the key that says “enter” on computer keyboards.

I don’t pretend that I’ve kept up with all the changes, and I also confess that I use a lot of words that don’t make any sense any more. I’ll hang-up the phone and type for the rest of my life, no matter what you want to call it.

Facebook Words To Live By

The internet, and Facebook in particular, have both added and taken away from our lives. People without access to computers don’t know what they’re missing, which I mean in both a good and bad way.

One thing Facebook provides plenty of is interesting sayings to ponder. Some are quotes from famous people, some are quotes attributed to famous people, but are things they never actually said, and some are just interesting quotes from nobody in particular.

I’d like to share a few with you today, if you don’t mind.

*”I don’t judge people based on race, color, or religion, sexuality of gender. I judge them on whether or not they are a jerk” (not the actual word, but you get my drift).

* “When someone asks me what I did over the weekend I just squint and ask, ‘What did you hear?’”

*I have never known why it is greed to want to keep the money you have earned, but not greed to want to take someone else’s money.” -Thomas Sowell

*”A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”

*”Always be yourself. Unless you can be a pirate. Then be a pirate.”

*”I don’t think its age that makes us forgetful. I think there’s just too much stupid stuff (not the actual word used) to remember.”

*“All you need is love. And a tiara. And maybe a cookie.”

*We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.”

*A headline: “’We hate math’ say four in ten Americans – a majority.”

*”Irony. The opposite of Wrinkly.”

*”There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true, and the other is to refuse to accept what is true.” – Soren Kierkegaard

*Life is not about how much money you have. It’s about quotes and stuff that tell you what life is really all about. And here is a picture of a cat.”

So, if you can’t find any words to live by, or words to avoid living by, from all of these quotes, then I’d suggest you start writing your own!

Headline Graffiti

It probably won’t come as a shock that I haven’t spent much time in ladies’ rooms, by which I mean rooms dedicated to women’s restroom needs. About the only time I enter those rooms is when a restaurant gets clever with their bathroom names, and instead of men’s and women’s rooms they have cowboys and   (which I can figure out) or something more obtuse like bass and trout. I usually see myself as a bass, but sometimes I feel a little trouty.

I mention this because men’s rooms – especially on college campuses and in bus stations – often have a lot of graffiti. Much of it can’t be repeated, but some is pretty funny. Collections of such humor have been published, believe it or not. You might want to look one up for reading in the… well, wherever you want to read it.

While in Washington, D. C. this summer, we visited a museum called the Newseum, which has exhibits about the news media and history and how they’ve intertwined. They have bathrooms there, fortunately, and at least in the men’s room I sought out, they have a different kind of graffiti. Selected wall tiles have quotes from ill-conceived headlines from newspapers and magazines. I took pictures of them all, and I would like to share them with you.   Some are obviously funny, and others might take a while to get. One is a typo, and the last one isn’t a headline, but comes from the body of a news story:

• “ISU revokes doctorate in plagiarism”
• “Candlelight ceremony unties couple”
• “Panda lectures this week at National Zoo”
• “Canadian seals deal with creditors”
• “Trial ends in mercy killing”
• “Bill to halt illness passes”
• “Actor sent to jail for not finishing sentence”
• “Blind woman forced by cop to clean up after her guide dog accepts settlement”
• “Asteroid nearly misses earth”
• “Genetically modified crops talk of meeting”
• “Woman found dead in trunk kept to herself, neighbors say”
• “For some context, consider these numbers from the same year, as reported by the Cleveland Plain Dealer: 91 percent of clergy were men, 92 percent of engineers were men, and 90 percent of men were dentists.”

 

So that was the Newseum’s men’s room graffiti. I now regret that I didn’t visit the other men’s rooms, not to mention the women’s rooms. Maybe next time.

By the way, I should probably mention that the rest of the museum was also entertaining –not just the bathroom walls.

Random Observations

(From August)

1. If you want to take a vacation where there aren’t a lot of people to get in your way, I suggest the Western part of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. The Porcupine Mountains are beautiful, Lake Superior is, well, superior, and if you like rock hunting, they have them there.
2. A number of times this past few weeks I’ve reminded myself to remember these days when January and February roll around. One of the big differences is that these days our glasses fog up when we step outside, while in the winter they fog up when we come in.
3. We are very excited to know that a ground hog, or a wood chuck, or perhaps some ground chuck, has taken up residence under our barn floor. Not excited in a good way, of course, but it is more evidence that rural life has its challenges. A snake in a bedroom, groundhogs under the floor, bats flying around upstairs, and mice to entertain the cats. Granted, these things have happened over three decades, but still…
4. Automated bathroom fixtures are all well and good, until you find yourself holding your hands under a faucet that turns out not to be automated. That’s a companion embarrassment to trying to “click” open one’s front door with the car key fob.
5. Volcanoes in Iceland, earthquakes in Napa, and snow in Montana. Otherwise, everything seems about normal, by which I mean no giant apes or lizards have wandered into Manhattan lately.
6. A network news reporter mentioned that Burger King will be moving their headquarters “overseas” to Canada. Somehow that doesn’t seem quite right, but geography isn’t my strong suit.
7. One of the worst things about getting older is that it’s impossible to justify shopping for school supplies and new gym shoes in the fall. However, not sitting through math class is an advantage.
8. Is the opposite of a protractor a contractor? That’s only a joke if you know what a protractor is. Anyone under 30, please look it up.
9. In the dictionary. That’s a book thingy with a lot of words in it.
10. Hear that? It’s the darn crickets, chirping away with the news that autumn is upon us. I hope if any get in our house that the snakes eat them.

Uncommon

(From August)

It’s been said before that there is nothing common about common courtesy, so I won’t repeat it. That phrase did come to mind, though, when we attended a concert in Madison last week.

The band we went to see was Steely Dan, a group that has had a number of hits over the years, but which also has a bit of a cult following due to their interesting mix of jazz, blues, pop, and rock. The concert was held at the Overture Center, which is a splendid venue. It’s very posh and classy, and a well-respected concert hall.

We arrived and climbed many stairs to our seats, which were three rows from the back of the balcony. Our seats were on the aisle, which meant we had to stand as people arrived, which we certainly didn’t mind doing.

Then, at 8pm, the opening act was introduced and began performing. They were a very good trio, though they were a bit hard to hear because of the LOUD CONVERSATIONS taking place in front of and behind us. Also, I would estimate that a third of the people hadn’t entered the concert hall yet at that time, so they shuffled in as the opening band played.

Now, please believe me when I say I’m not always on time. Things can happen, and nobody’s perfect, and all that. But, when people are still finding their seats 45 minutes after the performance is scheduled to begin, I have a hard time cutting them much slack.

I have forgotten to mention so far that one of the attractions of the Overture Center is that you can buy lots adult beverages before and during performances. So, some of the people shuffling past us to their seats were having some trouble doing so, and also struggled as they went back out again (during a song) to get more drinks.

Also, there were phones on everywhere in the hall. From our perspective in the nose-bleed section, we could see them all. People weren’t talking on their phones, but they were taking pictures (“selfies” with the performers behind them), texting, and reviewing Facebook and Twitter. The woman in front of me had her phone on for at least half the time. I almost asked her how she could get her battery to last so long. It is so distracting to have a bright phone screen in front of you in a dark concert hall.

Despite what you might think, none of the distractions kept me from enjoying the concert. Other than being just a bit loud (old-guy comment), it was a really good show, and I’m glad we went. I do think the Overture Center would be well advised to prevent patrons from carrying beverages into the theater and from entering during the performance, other than during pauses between songs.

It’s too bad that common courtesy isn’t common. I just hope it isn’t extinct.

Dad Sounds

I was typing on my phone the other day (“typing” comes from the word “typewriter,” which is a relic word now) and I realized I was using my middle finger to press the letters. A shocking memory rushed through my mind. When I was young my dad would point at things on a page with his middle finger, and I would be mortified.

Now, 40+ years later, here I was doing the exact same thing. In yet one more way, I’ve become my dad! Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot worse things I could become. I just wasn’t expecting to be a clueless older guy quite so soon.

I think a lot of people in my generation have deluded ourselves into thinking we’re not really getting old. It’s that baloney (bologna, for the purists) about how 50 is the new 40, 70 is the new 60, and death is the new sick.

I’ve never seen myself as “hip” (another relic word), but I do try to keep up. And yet, when I look in a full-length mirror, I see clearly that my fashion sense and my body are both pretty droopy.

Another sign: dad sounds. In an episode of “Family Guy,” the star sits down in an easy chair and says, “Well, I’m going to make some dad sounds now,” after which we hear a minute or so of sighs, groans, moans, sniffs, burps, and such. It was like looking into a mirror.

Not only that, but I’ve graduated from the age of dad jokes to the age of repeating the same dad jokes as if they had never been heard. Dad jokes, if you were wondering, are the dumb jokes many dads can’t help but share around the friends of their children. The first time I realized we dads were all telling the same jokes was when a TV dad, when asked if someone could join him, said, “Why? Am I coming apart?” Up to that point, I had thought was hilarious and original. I guess it was neither.

I realize that some of the changes I’m experiencing come from not being active enough, yet eating the same amount as before – or more. Our kids gifted us with “Fitbit” bracelets that let you know how many steps you’ve taken, calories you’ve burned, etc. I’ve only met the arbitrary goal the device set three times in a month, so that’s not good. What is good is that the thing has influenced me to park further away from a store, take a walk for now reason, or even run up the steps now and then.

I’ve often said that turning out to be my father would be the best possible outcome for me, because he was a good, smart, and honest man. That being said, I think I need to find a balance between taking on old-guy characteristics prematurely, and trying to act like I’m 20 years old again, Dude.

There It Is!

(From July — Warmer Days)

Thanks to the gritty determination of some family members, what appeared to be a weed patch in our yard is once again a flower garden. I thought it was probably in there someplace, but despite my efforts spending a few hours here and there, the weeds got away from me, so I was very, very happy to see the weeds being pulled and the flowers uncovered.

The job got done just in time for a family gathering at our place last weekend, and I felt a little guilty taking compliments for the garden when so much of the work uncloaking it came from others, but it wasn’t the first time I’ve felt guilty about something, so I let them say nice things without stopping them.

Uncovering the flowers made me think about other things in life that exist, but are overgrown by other kinds of “weeds” in our lives.

For starters, a family is a beautiful thing, but some families lose track of that over disagreements, harsh words, slights, and other debris of life, and miss the amazing bond that families have. It’s still there, but needs to be uncovered by forgiveness and honest conversation.

Our nation is also quite amazing. It is, as we can see, the place other people want to come to because of our freedoms and our wealth – which are related, in my opinion.

But, we have the “weeds” of extreme disagreement over things like the appropriate role of government in our lives, the fiscal policies we should follow, and how to deal with threats from abroad. They sometimes get in the way of seeing the true beauty – both physical and philosophical – of our country. Imperfect though we are, no country has done more good for so many people around the world, and no country offers every citizen the opportunity to succeed more than ours. It’s easy to forget those things when there is so much discord and turmoil around us.

It’s hard, but I try to live my life being grateful for what I have, and optimistic about the future of our country. It’s like the flower garden: the flowers were in there, it just took a lot of work to break through the weeds to expose them, and let their beauty thrive in the sunlight.

It would have been a big mistake to spray weed killer on the garden. Sure, it would have killed the weeds, but it would have killed the flowers too. I hope we all have the vision to see the flowers in our gardens, our families, and our country, and should follow, and how to deal with threats from abroad. They sometimes get in the way of seeing the true beauty – both physical and philosophical – of our country. Imperfect though we are, no country has done more good for so many people around the world, and no country offers every citizen the opportunity to succeed more than ours. It’s easy to forget those things when there is so much discord and turmoil around us.

It’s hard, but I try to live my life being grateful for what I have, and optimistic about the future of our country. It’s like the flower garden: the flowers were in there, it just took a lot of work to break through the weeds to expose them, and let their beauty thrive in the sunlight.

It would have been a big mistake to spray weed killer on the garden. Sure, it would have killed the weeds, but it would have killed the flowers too. I hope we all have the vision to see the flowers in our gardens, our families, and our country, and that we’re ready, willing, and able to do the hard work needed to bring them to the sunlight.

 

Write or Rong Words

While at the columnist’s conference in our nation’s capital earlier this past summer, one of the workshops was about writing sensitively about race and culture. The panelists were four very experienced and knowledgeable writers, all African American.

They provided some good insights into some of the unintended messages writers might send by not being aware of, or sensitive to hot-button words and phrases. It was a good panel, and much of what was shared made sense to me. Surely, communicating ideas in a respectful manner can only improve how we perceive each other.

Since then, I’ve been thinking about the topic of sensitive language, and wondering if it’s possible to be sensitive and sensible. I recalled the brouhaha that occurred when a legislator used the word “niggardly,” which means being a cheapskate, and has nothing to do with the “N word.” He was forced to apologize, not for what the word meant, but for what people with limited vocabulary thought it meant. Would I have chosen that word? Probably not. But, it is a good word.

Color seems to be a minefield. In South Africa, before their democratization, people were considered to be “white” or “non-white.” I’m not sure how that worked for people who were mostly Caucasian, or people from Asia, but it applied both to how people were described and what rights and freedoms they had.

In our country we have had the most trouble coming to a consensus on how we refer to people whose forebears were removed from Africa and brought here against their will. “Negro” was once an appropriate term. Now it is not. “Afro-American” was in vogue in the ‘60s but the longer version, “African American,” is more typical today. “Black” is still okay, I think. “Colored people” was once fine, but not now, though “people of color” is the favored term, though it brings in other minority groups as well. So, the words “people” and “colored” can go from not okay to okay by re-ordering the words and adding “of.”

Actually, the NAACP has the word “colored” in their name. I guess they had a lot of letterhead printed, and didn’t want to change it. Same for the United Negro College Fund.

South of our border, there are a lot of people – many of whom have crossed the border by now – and we tend to group them by the fact that they speak Spanish. They are mostly not of Spanish descent, but we call them “Hispanic.” People from Chile and Guatemala have little in common with people from Mexico or Puerto Rico, other than language, but we call them all “Hispanic” or “Latino.”

When we get into the delicate topic of how Hispanic immigrants get here, it is considered insensitive to call people who crossed the border illegally “illegal.” “Undocumented” is preferred. To me, “undocumented” means that I lost my driver’s license, not that I entered a country without permission, but that’s just me.

The term “Orientals” is very passé, with “Asians” being the new correct name. Asia is huge, though, including people in India all the way to China and beyond. Then there are “Pacific Islanders” who populate the Philippines, Hawaii, etc.

And, we have “Native Americans” now where we once had “Indians.” I’m fine with either name. And, to be honest, I’m fine with all of the names above. I don’t think it is right to focus on someone’s ethnicity or culture, but there are times when it is useful to have group names to identify people. Intermarriage may ultimately make all this a moot point, or at least complicate it. I’ve heard people use the term “ethnically ambiguous” applied to fashion models of mixed race. Maybe that will become the dominant category someday.

If you get right down to it, some people like to be insulting, some people are, perhaps, overly-sensitive about being insulted, and some people are under-sensitive about the words they choose. I guess the best strategy is to try to be sensitive, and to give people the benefit of the doubt when they aren’t.

Good Will

As part of the columnists’ conference I attended in Washington, DC this past summer, there was a dinner in the Capitol building. The dinner honored the legacy of Will Rogers, and the recipient of this year’s Will Rogers Humanitarian Award, given to a columnist “whose work has positively affected readers’ lives and produced tangible humanitarian benefits.”

The winner was Michael Paul Williams of Richmond, Virginia. In his brief acceptance speech he mentioned that reader surveys showed him both to be the most hated and most loved writer in the Richmond Times Dispatch. I guess he probably doesn’t mince his words too much.

Will Rogers didn’t mince his words either, or, at least you always knew what he meant. He was a real cowboy, and part Native American, and a box office star of Western movies. He also wrote and spoke as a humorist, but with a point of view.

There is a statue of Will in the US Capitol building, which is a little ironic. Here are some of the things he said about Washington and politicians:

“America has the best politicians money can buy.”

“Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.”

“Senators are a never-ending source of amusement, amazement, and discouragement.”

“Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there.”

“Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord, give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted upon us. Be merciful with them, oh Lord, for they know not what they’re doing. Amen.”

“We cuss Congress, and we joke about ’em, but they are all good fellows at heart, and if they wasn’t in Congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse.”

“Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.”

“There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can’t stand him quite that long.”

“Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records.”

“A politician is just like a pickpocket; it’s almost impossible to get one to reform.”

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the entire government working for you.”

Will Rogers was a great American and a very perceptive man. It’s comforting to know, in a way, that our government was frustrating to the country back then too. And, it makes me wonder what Will Rogers would be saying about what our leaders are up to now in 2014. I’ll bet there are one or two quotes above that he might just see fit to use again.

AC – DC

(From July 2014)

When you hear the term “AC/DC” you may think of the rock band by that name, or of the dispute between Edison and Tesla on transmission of electrical current.

Today, though, I’m talking about being in Washington D.C. on hot days and going into buildings with way too much A.C. (air conditioning).   AC/DC. A lot of effort for a dumb joke. I admit it.

We were treated to an evening at Wolf Trap, which is a national park and an outdoor music and drama venue. What a beautiful place to see and hear a concert! The signature composition of the evening was Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, complete with vocalists and a full choir.

It was a fine performance of an amazing piece of music – both in how it sounds, and that it was composed by a deaf man. He could hear the music only in his head, and write it on the parchment, fully scored for orchestra and choir. Amazing.

We also went to the “Newseum.” It is a museum of news, which could mean almost anything, but it mostly covers the history of the news media, and the news events that caused changes in that industry, and in our lives.

Among the exhibits are sections from the Berlin Wall, which came down during the Regan administration, and the wreckage of a radio tower which was once atop one of the World Trade Center buildings. But there were also exhibits from two centuries ago. It’s almost too much for one day.

One evening we sat on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial and looked at the Washington Monument. As the sun set and darkness settled in, the scene became even more moving.

People from all over the world come that that city because they admire what we’ve done here over the many decades, and how we’ve helped bring freedom to others in the world.

Seeing the Newseum exhibits — many from my lifetime, and most from the last century — reminded me how much we need newspapers and journalists to question people in power — both in and out of government — to make sure things are on the up and up.  We also need people to read those newspapers and magazines, and to listen to the radio and television broadcasts of the news.  It’s funny when late night hosts interview people on the street who have no idea who our vice president is, or whatever, but it’s not so funny when their votes, or absence of votes, determine who is running our country.

Maybe there should be a museum called Nauseum.

World Cup of Feet

(From June 2014)

One of my Facebook “friends” posted that she had World Cup fever a couple of weeks ago. I responded that I had World Cup sniffles. Translation: I have a mild interest in the soccer games that have consumed most of the world. I don’t hate soccer. In fact, I admire that athleticism of soccer players. It just isn’t my favorite game.

I think it was Jimmy Kimmel who did a bit that included video of some soccer players tapping the ball back and forth to each other while the crowd roared. Fifteen seconds of soccer action where nothing happened. It makes for a good joke, but while there are moments like that in soccer, the tying goal scored by Portugal against the U.S. team on Sunday was pretty spectacular, and not boring at all.

There are a number of sports that seem boring to people who don’t know them well. Many people think good old American baseball is boring. And, I guess it can be. But for someone who knows the subtleties of the game, a three ball/two strike count with runners on first and third and one out with a left-handed batter at the plate can be quite exciting. And, I’d say the infield fly rule of baseball is as esoteric as the off-sides rule in soccer.

And, in fairness, the World Cup really does include teams from all over the world, while the World Series excludes most of the world. Just us and Canada.

Professional bowling has an opposite issue to soccer and baseball. In the later two sports, there is hardly any scoring. In pro bowling, the average game involves the bowler knocking down 90+ percent of the possible pins. Strike after strike. Definitely boring to watch. Now, if you were to watch me bowl, there would be far fewer pins knocked down, and much more comedic value, as it is always possible that I might bounce the ball, let it go backwards, or fall down in the process of bowling. Many people would pay good money to watch that!

Some say that NASCAR is nothing but drivers turning left, which is a fair comment. What makes NASCAR fun to watch is the driver relationships, and the risks the drivers take.

Somehow, poker has become a sport. It has no appeal to me, but lots of people watch it. I’m holding out for the slot machine network.

Soon the World Cup will be over, and we can get back to life as we once knew it, by which I mean Futbol will be edged aside for Football.

No News Is, or Isn’t Good News

(From June 2014)

The news is, almost by definition, mostly bad. Human nature being what it is, it isn’t very newsworthy to us when things are fine. It is the upsetting of the status quo, threats to our well-being, and shockingly awful things that pique our interest.

The last dozen or more years, while most of us have been living our lives to the best of our ability, the national and international goings on have generally not been very good.

The world of radical Islam arose from smoldering in the shadows to exploding around the Middle East and elsewhere – including New York City. China, North Korea, Russia, and Venezuela are only a few of the other spots in the world where there are problems.

Domestically, we’ve had social discord, economic problems, and increasing concerns about our privacy and freedom. Shootings and stabbings are on the front pages too often. Suicides – especially among returning veterans – seem to be an epidemic.

So, for more and more people, keeping up on the news has become really unpleasant, along with being really depressing. If a person were inclined to feel hopeless, reading or watching the news will surely push them over the edge.

Last weekend I spoke with a couple of people who off-handedly mentioned that they can’t watch the news anymore because it is too upsetting. I like knowing what’s going on, but I find that I’m staying less in touch than usual these days.

The problem is, when it comes time to prepare for the future, it’s good to have an inkling of what might happen. Will gas prices go way up? Will inflation make everything more expensive? Will taxes go up? How can we plan around those factors for our best interests?

If we have learned anything in the past dozen or so years, it is that things we never thought would happen really can happen. It pays to be aware of how things are trending.

And, with fewer people keeping up on the news, that means fewer people will be able to make good decisions when it comes time to vote again. Worse yet, people will make their election decisions based on attack ads on radio and TV that end up making us feel disgusted with all the candidates.

So, I guess even though the majority of the news in the world is pretty awful, we should probably read, watch, and listen to the news. And, we should find a number of different sources for what we take in, to make sure we’re getting the whole story.

And, keep reading your local, weekly newspapers. It’s one of the few places where good news about good people working to make communities better can be found.

Our Father Who’s Art

(Originally published the week of Father’s Day)

The former comic strip “One Big Happy” revolved around a little girl named Ruthie and her somewhat bigger brother. In one strip, they walked into the kitchen having an argument about God. Ruthie said that God’s name was Art, as in “Our Father Who’s Art In Heaven,” while her brother insisted God’s name is Hal, as in “…and Hal would be thy name.”

For some reason, I thought of that strip when I realized Father’s Day is on the way again. Not that I associate being a father with somehow being God-like. Far from it. Being a father is mostly a long series of trying to figure out what to do and how to respond to wives and children as the head of the family, knowing full well that we aren’t really in charge.

To quote Bill Cosby, “If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”

Granted, there are fathers who rule the roost, but even some of them are taking orders on the side from the mothers. It’s not that fathers are powerless, but it is more that with power comes responsibility, and we aren’t that crazy about being responsible when things go wrong.

Fathers’ Day, in my view, is kind of like the Title IX of holidays. Mothers’ Day lavishes love and praise on our sainted mothers – not undeservedly, I hasten to point out. Fathers’ Day exists to balance things off, and make it appear that things are fair.

But, in reality, you can’t balance out the two days. For one thing, fathers don’t give birth, which is a really big deal, commitment wise, that our mothers do for us. Secondly, there are so many single parent households now – most of them headed by mothers – that by all appearances fathers are expendable.

I don’t believe that to be true, of course, but then again, I’m biased.

I am grateful that I had a father, and that he was a good, kind and thoughtful man. If anything, I probably would have benefitted from having a father who had more of a commanding demeanor, but that just wasn’t him, and it isn’t me either.

I guess there are as many varieties of fathers as there are fathers. The best kind are the ones who are present and engaged in their kids’ lives, and who treat the mothers of the family with respect.

I think it’s also important for fathers to tell dumb jokes and embarrass their children whenever possible.  Also, kids need to know that their father will always be there, on their side, and ready to listen to the good things and the bad stuff that life dishes out.

Farming and Show Biz

So, this guy works at the circus, and his job is to clean up after the elephants. Ten hours a day he scoops up poop and puts it in a wheelbarrow and hauls it away. One night in the bar he’s telling one of his friends about how dirty and smelly his job is. His friend asks him why he doesn’t quit and get another job, to which the fellow says, “What? And quit show business?”

Sometimes I think farmers go through the same sort of angst; not just because they shovel things that come out of animals, but because it is a hard way to make a living, demands almost unending time commitment, and on-going learning to keep up with the laws and new procedures. And yet, for most the money is enough to keep going, but not get ahead too much.

Like the guy with the elephant, though, a lot of farmers I know can’t imagine doing anything else. Whether it is tending to livestock or managing a thousand acres of crop land, and the machines needed to bring in a good crop, I think there is a satisfaction in farming that many ways of life don’t provide.

Farming can be a great way to raise a family, instilling a good work ethic, respect for animals and nature, and an appreciation of family members as an effective team. Sometimes, though, the stresses of farming are too much for a marriage, or the isolation too much for adolescents to shoulder.

For most people, changes in weather can be inconvenient, while for farmers a well-timed rain can be a Godsend, and a poorly-timed rain/drought/hail/frost can mean disaster. A farmer can do everything right and still have a bad outcome.

There are far fewer family farms in Wisconsin than there once were, and far fewer of the big red barns dotting the countryside, as so many succumb to the elements. In some respects it’s a shame, but it’s also understandable. With the exception of specialized farming, such as organic farms, labor intensive crops, and agricultural tourism farms, it’s difficult to farm on a small scale. The advances (though some would quarrel with that word) in technology and biology have made it possible to grow much more food with many fewer work hours. But, the cost of that technology dictates that larger farms exist to best take advantage of the new efficiencies.

The best hope comes in young, educated farmers who are committed to the values of farm life, unafraid of the time and effort required, and grateful for the opportunity to live their dream. Some grew up on farms, and some aspired to that life.

I admire the farmers I know, not because of some romanticized vision, but because it takes a special person to devote a life to such long hours and hard work. It will be interesting to see how Wisconsin’s farms are faring in 20 years. I’m hopeful that our tradition of farm families will still live on.

Politicians I Have Met (or have been near)

(First published in May)

It’s after Memorial Day now, and since this is an election year, the game of politics will begin to be played in earnest soon. Today I’m reflecting on some political memories of my own.

The house I grew up in was probably not normal. Our dinner conversations often involved politics and philosophy – not quoting Socrates or anything, but discussing right and wrong, positives and negatives, and such.

I took an interest in politics early on. I was politically aware, if not politically active. In 1968, after the Republican convention, vice presidential candidate Spiro Agnew made his very first campaign stop in my hometown of Oshkosh. We went to the airport to see him speak. He looked like a cross between Joe Biden and Ed McMahon. He was later found guilty of corruption while Maryland’s governor, and resigned as vice president. But, on that day he was impressive.

In high school I went to Washington, D.C. as part of a government study group, and while there met and heard a number of administration members along with my congressman at the time, and William Proxmire, who was one of Wisconsin’s senators for about 100 years, famously spending about $100 per re-election campaign. Not $100 million. $100.

While in Duluth, I we met Independent Party candidate John Anderson, and he gave a good speech, but completely ignored my wife when we gathered to talk. Maybe he was an old-school sexist. Also in Duluth, the Jaycee club I belonged to invited Eugene McCarthy to speak at our meeting in the basement at Pizza Hut. (Our president at the time REALLY liked pizza.) McCarthy had run unsuccessfully for president several times as a liberal, anti-war candidate, but by 1980, according to Wikipedia, “Dismayed by what he saw as the abject failure of the Jimmy Carter presidency, he appeared in a campaign ad for Libertarian candidate Ed Clark, and eventually endorsed Ronald Reagan for the presidency.”

We also met the aforementioned Mr. Clark, and the picture he painted of Libertarianism was very compelling, if not totally realistic.

While working for Wisconsin Public Radio I met Governor Tommy Thompson at a WPR donors’ event at the governor’s mansion, and Governor Tony Earl at the studios.

So, what do I think about all these people? Back in the 19^th century, Lord Acton of England said this: “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” Some of these people I’ve seen and met over the years may have become somewhat corrupted, but only because we allowed it by giving them more power than we should have given up. Our founders didn’t foresee career politicians, but rather citizen legislators, and a public and press that would hold them accountable.

Maybe we need to revisit that.

 

What We Keep

(Originally published in April)

We’ve lived at our place for about 30 years, which is a pretty long time. And, it probably goes without saying that we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. We’re not ready for an episode of “Hoarders,” but a reasonable person could wonder why we have kept a lot of what we have.

Last weekend we did some serious cleaning in the machine shed that has served as our garage for all these years. In addition to vehicles, lawn mowers, and such, here are some of the things we found (that we didn’t remember we even owned) while cleaning things out: a ball peen hammer, a siphon, four jacks, storage containers without lids, lids without storage containers, oil filters for cars we haven’t owned for 20 years, and two substantial wooden drawers, without whatever it was they fit into.

There were chemicals for killing weeds and fertilizing grass, tools for cutting unwanted grass and weeds, cultivating the garden, and wood for heating the house. We ordered a face cord of oak back in 1985 or so, and used a lot of it, but once we removed the wood stove from our house, our wood use dropped substantially.

Over the course of the weekend, I’d estimate we asked each other this question several hundred times: “Should we keep this?” The answers varied, but rarely came easily.

So, today I ask myself another question: why do we keep things?

We were both brought up not to waste things, since we both had parents who struggled during the Great Depression. As a result, the possibility that something might come in handy someday dictates a lot. For example, the three foot long 2 X 4 may be useful five years from now, but only if we remember we have it, and where. Multiply that times 300 or 400 pieces of wood in various stages of decay, add in hundreds of feet of rubber hose without fittings, and thousands of feet of various types of wire, and pretty soon you’re in trouble.

Another reason to keep things relates to how much space you have. A corollary to Murphy’s Law about things going wrong goes like this: “The amount of stuff you have is equal to the amount of space you have, plus one.” Living on a farmstead, we have way more space than someone living in a residential home, or an apartment. We keep things because we can.

What I think of as I get older is the news interviews with people who have lost everything due to a storm, a fire, or some other disaster. They are devastated, but at the same time grateful if their loved ones survived unscathed. Our stuff has importance, both because it is useful and because of the memories that are wrapped up in it.

Going through the cleaning last weekend has got us both re-thinking what we’ll be hanging onto in the future. The first two things on the list, and the only important items, will be our memories and each other.

things on the list, and the only important items, will be our memories and each other.

A Sorry State of Affairs

It seems that almost every day another public figure does or says something that warrants an apology. Sometimes they say they’re sorry, and sometimes they don’t. It seems to depend a lot on how upset they think their fans or constituents are, and how quickly they think it will blow over.

We’ve become accustomed to certain phrases being associated with these apologies. Some of them seem more sincere than others. Rarely, though, do we hear someone say, “I did (said) a very stupid thing. I have no excuses. I am completely responsible and can’t justify it. I’m really sorry, and I’d understand if you never trust me again, but I hope I can earn your trust by my actions as time goes on.”

Instead, we hear things like, “I misspoke,” or “it was in-artfully articulated,” or “I’m sorry for how you feel about what I did,” or “I didn’t do (say) what you think I did (said,) but my enemies want you to believe I did.”

It is understandable that people have reasons for what they’ve done. The big mistakes I’ve made have mostly been out of weakness or stupidity. Some people have substance abuse or mental or emotional issues to fault for their actions. For some it’s an attempt to be funny.

Mistakes made by a lot of public figures seem to happen often because they suffer from a sense that they are “special,” above the rules and the law, and way too smart to ever get caught at what they’re doing.

I’ve written about remorse before, and the key to saying you’re sorry is actually being sorry. And by that I don’t mean being sorry for getting caught, but being sorry for what you’ve done. That’s something we can’t really judge in others, since some people (like puppies) are really good at seeming sorry, but will get into the trash again at the first opportunity.

We tend not to hold people equally accountable for bad behavior. A lot depends on whether we like the person, or if what was said or done is a violation of political correctness.

I’m thankful that I’m not famous or powerful, since most of the stupid things I’ve said and done are not even remotely interesting to the media, or anyone else, for that matter. Part of being famous or powerful is that you are held to a higher standard, and it would be a great idea for those folks to keep that in mind before doing something for which they’ll need to apologize.

Goblins and Such

You may have read recently that a shrimper off Key West, Florida caught a goblin shark. It was a big deal, since they are rarely seen, and especially rarely seen in our part of the world, mostly living in the Pacific Ocean near Japan.

If you saw the photos of this fish you may have had nightmares later. If you didn’t, imagine a fairly regular looking shark with a set of very toothy jaws stuck on under his snout, if you call it that on a shark.

The man released it, which is good, because, as I said, they’re rare. Or, at least we think they’re rare. They live so deep in the ocean that it’s difficult to know how many there are. They live where there is virtually no light, which, given how unattractive they are, is a good thing.

I hasten to point out that to goblin sharks of the opposite sex they are probably very attractive.

And that takes me to the duck billed platypus.

And if you don’t get the connection, I don’t blame you, but the platypus (the “duck billed” part is really unnecessary, since there is no “non-duck billed platypus) is also a bit of an oddity.

The platypus lives in eastern Australia and Tasmania (with the devil) and is one of five mammals that lays eggs. The other four are spiny anteaters, and not the Easter Bunny. Wikipedia refers to the platypus as being “duck-billed, beaver-tailed, and otter-footed,” and when first discovered some naturalists thought it was a hoax, like Rhinelander, Wisconsin’s “Hodag.”

It is also one of the few venomous mammals. I don’t imagine it would be a very good pet. Here’s another interesting feature: it uses electronic receptors to gauge the presence of prey, sensing minute bits of electronic energy expended by muscle movements.

And that takes us to the snake I found in our house last week. Once again, I don’t blame you if you don’t get the connection. It was barely visible as it was hanging out near a heat duct on our outside wall where the molding had been removed. It was a western fox snake, I think, and was seeking some warmth on a cold night.

I don’t mind the idea of snakes, and I enjoy seeing them outside, but it is unsettling to know you are sharing your domicile with one. I think it’s mainly because, like the goblin shark and the platypus, they are mysterious and not at all like other animals have we encountered.

We called a knowledgeable friend, who suggested that we wait until it gets warmer, at which point the snake would go back outside. That proved to be good advice, at least as far as we know.

We mostly kept our calm with the snake, but if we ever have a platypus or a goblin shark in our house, you won’t find us at home until they’re gone.

Sleepy Athlete

I think I’ve figured it out.

In this case, “it” is why I’m overly large for a person of my height.

Part of it is surely genetic. While my mom was a very slight woman, and my dad was tall, but not overweight, my mom’s brother weighed as much as 500+ pounds at times in his life.

But that’s not the main cause.

I like to eat, and I like to drink soady-pop, as they say in Sikeston, Missouri. Lots of thin people like to eat too, so that’s not the complete cause.

As a youth (as we older people say) I played baseball, basketball, and tennis, along with football, bike riding, and generally running around. I played sports through my sophomore year in high school, and even pick-up games in college and beyond. I consider my self to be an athlete.

Fast forward a few dozen years, and yes, I can still play basketball (after a fashion) and tossing a baseball around is fun, and after a year’s absence, I plan to get reacquainted with my bike this summer. But, the intensity with which I exercise has not caught up with the amount calories I take in.

But here’s the biggest reason for my oversizeness: mirrors. As the tall person in our household, there are no mirrors that easily show the parts of me that have become super-sized. From the chest up, I look okay. Below the chest is where the problems start. When visiting or in a hotel room, I’m shocked to see how much of me there is.

Anyway, the title above talks about being a sleepy athlete, and, while I haven’t been diagnosed officially, I know I snore and have some sleep apnea. I know the non-motorized treatment for apnea is considerable weight loss. So, for the sake of my health and longevity, it’s time for the athlete to try to reemerge, and for the big eater to push away from the table a little sooner.

The Situation

While eating my oatmeal the other morning I flipped on the TV to see what the over-the-air world of free television had to offer. I’m very tired of the network morning shows, with the crowds of people trying to get on TV, and the celebrity worship and lifestyle tips. I’m sure it’s just me, though. I’m getting crankier by the minute.

On channel 15.3 I came across a show called “Too Close for Comfort.” I had completely forgotten about that show, and for good reason. It starred Ted (Baxter) Knight, who was great in “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” In this one, he plays a cartoonist. And yet, he’s still Ted Baxter.

The title of that program made me think about situation comedy names through the years, including some that we never got a chance to see, by which I mean shows that exist exclusively in my imagination.

First, the real shows: “Bosom Buddies” (Tom Hanks’ first role), “Three’s Company,” “Family Ties,” “Family Matters,” “All in the Family,” “Family Guy,” “Family Affair,” “The Addams Family,” “Married With Children,” “Happy Days,” “Full House,” “Two and a Half Men,” “My Name is Earl,” “Home Improvement,” “The Golden Girls,” “My Two Dads,” “Father Knows Best,” “Bachelor Father,” and “Mr. Belvidere.”

Note that many have something to do with family in their titles. I guess families are just wacky and hilarious all the time. Right? “Full House,” “Family Affair,” “and “My Two Dads” were all about non-traditional families, as was “The Brady Bunch.” In most of the shows with fathers, he was an idiot. I’m just saying…
Maybe you don’t remember all of the above, or the dozens not noted, like “Petticoat Junction,” “The Beverly Hillbillies,” and “Green Acres,” which were all connected, sharing characters from time to time. “Friends” and “Cheers” had spin-off series too.

Some of these programs were amusing morality plays each week. “Father Knows Best,” in particular, always had a message of human imperfection and redemption. Even “My Name Is Earl” talked about redemption, Karma, and doing the right thing.

Most of the shows, though, were intended to be entertaining, and sometimes were. “Green Acres” and “The Addams Family” were absurdist comedies, as was “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.”

Here are some situation comedy names that I imagine didn’t make it past the pilot phase, so we’ll never see them: “I Can’t Find My Pants,” “Two Men, a Lady, and a Turtle,” “The President’s Imaginary Friend,” “Rock, Paper, Scissors… and Trudy,” “Please Pass the Baby,” “Three’s Bigamy,” “Too Many Wieners,” and “Whereupon Silly and Timid Mildred Seeks a Suitable Suitor” (PBS).

I think all of these shows could be fantastic! In fact, I think I’ll write a pilot script for one of them and become famous. Wait! That could be a premise for a sit-com: “Famous, But Still an Idiot.”

The Dreaded Email

After months of watching as the health-care industry has undergone the changes wrought by government mandates, the email came. It was from the human resources director at the company I work for – a small company, but one with over 50 employees.

It said that our current carrier was looking at a “very large increase” in our insurance costs, and that we needed to look at other options.

It wouldn’t be the first increase over the years, as insurance costs have gone up pretty regularly, which makes “very large increase” seem a little worrisome. But, there’s little we can do, so I hope they find a company willing to insure our employees for a large increase, without the “very” in front of it.

There have been many stories in the news about cancer patients who are unable to receive their treatments, or otherwise ailing folks who can’t find a participating doctor to go with their new plan.

The press is good at finding people to represent what they consider to be a failing, but in this case it seems that there are too many incidences to discount.

Assuming we do still have insurance that doesn’t bankrupt us in the year to come, I’ll count us among the fortunate. It will be interesting that in our new policy we’ll be paying for maternity care, though neither of us is likely to have a baby anytime soon. We’ll also be paying for optical care for our children, both of whom are off and on their own. We’ll be paying for lots of coverage we don’t need, because that’s the law of the land.

In fairness, many people who haven’t had health insurance before now do have it. Unfortunately, nearly as many people who had insurance before do not any longer have it, or have a policy which is either grossly more expensive, or has no physicians willing to take patients with those plans.

It’s not unusual for there to be “collateral damage” when making major changes in society, and prudent, constructive people can work together to throw out what isn’t working, tweak what could work, and add elements that would make the whole thing run better. But, sometimes people dig in their heels and don’t give an inch.

I hope, for my little family, that the increases we incur this coming year won’t be too big, but I’m afraid that’s a wish with little chance of coming true. I hope your situation with medical insurance is working for you, and if not, I’ll look forward with you to improvements in the years to come.

What We Keep

We’ve lived at our place for about 30 years, which is a pretty long time. And, it probably goes without saying that we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. We’re not ready for an episode of “Hoarders,” but a reasonable person could wonder why we have kept a lot of what we have.

Last weekend we did some serious cleaning in the machine shed that has served as our garage for all these years. In addition to vehicles, lawn mowers, and such, here are some of the things we found (that we didn’t remember we even owned) while cleaning things out: a ball peen hammer, a siphon, four jacks, storage containers without lids, lids without storage containers, oil filters for cars we haven’t owned for 20 years, and two substantial wooden drawers, without whatever it was they fit into.

There were chemicals for killing weeds and fertilizing grass, tools for cutting unwanted grass and weeds, cultivating the garden, and wood for heating the house. We ordered a face cord of oak back in 1985 or so, and used a lot of it, but once we removed the wood stove from our house, our wood use dropped substantially.

Over the course of the weekend, I’d estimate we asked each other this question several hundred times: “Should we keep this?” The answers varied, but rarely came easily.

So, today I ask myself another question: why do we keep things?

We were both brought up not to waste things, since we both had parents who struggled during the Great Depression. As a result, the possibility that something might come in handy someday dictates a lot. For example, the three foot long 2 X 4 may be useful five years from now, but only if we remember we have it, and where. Multiply that times 300 or 400 pieces of wood in various stages of decay, add in hundreds of feet of rubber hose without fittings, and thousands of feet of various types of wire, and pretty soon you’re in trouble.

Another reason to keep things relates to how much space you have. A corollary to Murphy’s Law about things going wrong goes like this: “The amount of stuff you have is equal to the amount of space you have, plus one.” Living on a farmstead, we have way more space than someone living in a residential home, or an apartment. We keep things because we can.

What I think of as I get older is the news interviews with people who have lost everything due to a storm, a fire, or some other disaster. They are devastated, but at the same time grateful if their loved ones survived unscathed. Our stuff has importance, both because it is useful and because of the memories that are wrapped up in it. Going through the cleaning last weekend has got us both re-thinking what we’ll be hanging onto in the future. The first two things on the list will be our memories and each other.

History of Humor

One of the many ubiquitous GEICO insurance ads involves a couple on a date. When the woman says everybody knows about GEICO, the man says, “But, did you know that there IS an oldest trick in the book?”

At that point, we switch to a castle scene where a young apprentice is learning from an old teacher, who looks in his book and says: “Trick number one: Lookest over there!” The boy looks, and sees nothing. Then the old teacher says, “Ha-ha! Madest thou look! So endeth the trick.”

That got me thinking about humor through the ages, going back to early humans. So much of humor is based on the nervousness we feel when someone violates certain taboos about sex, and such, that I wondered what would be funny in a society with no taboos? I mean, if you’re already running around naked and using the woods as a bathroom, what would be funny?

“America’s Funniest Videos” may have the answer. Their formula is videos of people doing stupid things that make them crash, fall down, be terrified, or fall into the water – or a wedding cake.

Early humans may have found it funny when Zor tripped over a tree root. Or maybe it was funny when Grog threw his spear at an elk, but accidentally hit Thon in the leg.

Laughing is such a natural thing to us. Even young babies chuckle. I wonder, though, who was the first person to laugh, and what did they laugh at, and what did the other humans think about it?

Let’s say Frop and Clon are walking along, and Frop runs into a tree. Somewhere in his body, Clon feels the urge to laugh, and he does. Frop gets up from the ground, and says the primitive human version of, “What kind of weird sound is that you just made? Are you sick?” Clon can only shrug.

Maybe there became secret societies of laughers who got together deep in the woods to do pratt falls and funny faces so they could laugh in safety, beyond the suspicious eyes of the non-laughers. Perhaps those secret societies spawned the genetics that eventually gave us comedians.

As time went on, and language became more sophisticated – not to mention people wearing clothes and going to the bathroom in private – I’m sure humor naturally developed. Some possible examples: “Gee Charles, you seem to have forgotten your codpiece.” Or, “Phillip, have you seen Lady Gwendolyn, whom rumor says is faster than the many hours it would take to remove the 37 layers of over and undergarments in which she is dressed?” Not thigh slappers, but maybe funny back then.

Now it seems that many comedians rely on the shock value of vulgar language, but I prefer those who tell amusing stories or reflect on human characteristics. And yet, watching someone (as long as it isn’t me) get hit in the “swimsuit area” by a three year-old with a bat is actually very funny. I guess there’s a little bit of cave man left in me.

Outdated Words

Have you noticed that we use words that made a lot of sense at one time, but really don’t anymore? No? Well, just wait until I provide you with some examples, okay?

The easiest place to start is the telephone. With few exceptions, nobody has a phone with a dial anymore, so why do we still ask people to “dial” a phone number? We push buttons to reach someone by phone, or in some cases, we just say the person’s name, and our phone reaches out and touches someone. (For the younger reader, that phrase was the Bell Telephone slogan to encourage folks to use long-distance telephone services.)

Likewise, “hanging-up” used to mean putting the hand-set back onto the cradle of the telephone. Most of us have wireless or cordless phones now, so there’s nothing to hang-up. We disconnect.

Also, when we ask someone to “give us a ring,” that doesn’t make sense, considering most phones beep, buzz, hoot, or toot, or anything but ring.

Writing once meant taking a pen, pencil, or feather, and putting words down on paper for others to read. Now, 99.99% (a made-up statistic) of “writing” involves using a keyboard, or even technology to convert our spoken words into text. So, now a student can “write a paper” that is neither written nor on paper, since it can be submitted electronically to the teacher.

For that matter, “going to school” can be done from one’s living room through on-line education or home-schooling.

The “gas station” or “filling station” of my youth is now mostly a convenience store with some gas pumps. Many of those pumps still say “Self-service,” harking back to the day when a few places offered that money-saving option, versus having the guy (I never saw a gal doing it) come out to put the gas in for you. There is a state law in Oregon that outlaws filling your own gas tank. I’m not sure why.

Have you, or anyone you know, ever put gloves in the glove compartment? It should be called the “maps and emergency napkins compartment.”

Time is another area of change. In an era when all clocks were analog, meaning faces with hands pointing to numbers, the idea of “quarter-to” or “half-past” made perfect sense. Those concepts don’t work with digital clocks or watches. For that matter, watches are disappearing in some circles, since people are tethered to their wireless phones all the time, and those phones have clocks.

I surely don’t mind all these changes, and I do try to keep up. However, when I say something, and someone under 40 years of age gives me a blank stare in return, I need to realize that I may have used a word that doesn’t apply, and hasn’t for years. In other words, I have become my father, and, that’s not a bad thing at all.

Basketball Tournament Tips

Over the next few weeks there will be lots of basketball tournaments to watch. State high school, college conference, NCAA, NIT tournaments for both men and women will crowd the cable airwaves, and just when you think they were over, up will pop the NBA tournament games. In the event you are not highly knowledgeable on Mr. Naismith’s game, I’m here to help.

I have a long history of playing basketball badly, and watch just enough on TV to provide you with all you’ll need to know.

1. Traveling. This is an infraction that used to involve taking more than two steps without dribbling the ball. In the modern era, many steps, along with a hop, skip, and jump can be taken. Traveling is most likely to be called in pee-wee basketball, and less likely each step up to NBA ball, where a player once travelled from New York to Philadelphia without bouncing the ball even once, and was not penalized.

2. Coaches. Unlike baseball, where coaches wear uniforms, or football, where most wear sweatshirts, basketball coaches wear fine suits, and, I’m guessing, soak them with perspiration as they parade back and forth in front of their teams, cajoling the players, and beseeching the referees. From time to time the coaches call time-outs, and share highly sophisticated strategies with their players, who then go back into the game and do something different. There are surprisingly few strokes.

3. Betting. A lot of people bet on basketball tournaments. A statistics professor has opined that the chance of someone who follows basketball getting all the games right is about 128 billion to one. So, good luck!

4. Commentary. The sports talk people will spend countless hours talk about what might happen, and countless hours talking about what did happen. In between, there will be games.

5. Work. How many people watch tournament games while they are being paid to do a job? It is said that 86% of people who watch the NCAA games watch at least some of them at work. I, personally, wouldn’t ever do that, since it might disrupt my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and http://www.peterwallace.wordpress.com use. Oh, and work.

6. When will the tournaments end? Well, I remember visiting someone years ago to watch Michael Jordan play in the NBA tournament games, and it was 90 degrees outside and there were lots of mosquitoes, so I’m guessing it was late June. I always think of basketball of a winter sport, but I guess not.

7. How important are basketball games compared to other things going on around the world? Very! If we really thought about everything else that’s going on other than basketball, we’d go crazy, so thank goodness for all those games!

If you have other questions, simply tune in to ESPN 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc., Yahoo Sports, NBC Sports, Fox
Sports, CBS Sports, or Vatican Sports. I made up the last one.

Ists and Isms

The other day I was pondering how and why certain words are chosen to represent certain groups and behaviors. For example, are we Deerfield-ites and Cambridgians, or Deerfieldians and Cambridge-ites?

More to my point, though, are words like writers, editors, and teachers, but also words like escapists, rapists, and artists. Who decides who gets the “er” or the “ist?” Escaper sounds like that could work. Arters doesn’t right at all.

Groups we don’t like, like rapists, facists, racists, communists, and sexists get the same suffix as artists. So do capitalists and socialists.

But people who see homosexuals the way sexists see women are called homophobes. It’s interesting that out of all the “ists,” people in that category get a suffix that says they are afraid of homosexuals. I guess some people who are troubled by homosexuality may be afraid of gays and lesbians, but I’m not sure all of them are.

Using that strategy, sexists would be called female-aphobes, and communists would be called freedom-aphobes. If anything, people of color who are afraid of whites might be correctly considered race-aphobes, given the improving, but historically unfair treatment they’ve received.

And, we could probably coin the term “hetro-aphobes” to refer to homosexuals who don’t like straight people. I honestly haven’t met any, but they may exist.

Some terms are confusing. A naturalist likes nature, while a naturist goes au natural. Vegetarians eat vegetables. Humanitarians don’t eat humans, fortunately, and veterinarians don’t eat veterans, except in very rare cases.

In my lifetime, we’ve all become more aware of the power of words. Non-sexist language has turned firemen into firefighters, policemen into police officers, mailmen into letter carriers, and manhole covers into utility access portals, or something.

As a father of two daughters, I’m glad that they saw fighting fires and crime as career options, and not something for men only. But I also know that word choices can cause a slant in perception. For example, a capitalist sounds less friendly than someone involved in free enterprise, and that the terms pro-choice and pro-life are attributed to opposite sides in the dispute, but do not have opposite meanings.

In an era when the world of technology has commandeered words like icon, friend, tweet, like, mouse, cursor, hash, and tag, it may be tempting to become cavalier about how we use words. I guess it’s always struck me that words really are important, and that we owe it to others to use words in a fair and clear way, and owe it to ourselves to question the use of words that misrepresent.

For now, I’m going to continue to be a write-ist, and avoid being a naturist, at least until it is much warmer.

Winter Olympics Questions Answered

Every two years there are Olympic Games. If you hadn’t noticed, this year we’re enjoying the Winter Olympics, which involves mostly sports that very few people ever participate in. That may not be true, but I think it is.

Today I’d like to answer some questions about the Winter Olympics.

Q: Where do people go to become bobsledders?
A: This is a mystery. Have you ever seen a neighborhood bobsledding club? Do you know anyone who has gone to college on a bobsledding scholarship? And, for that matter, who is this “Bob?”

Q: Why do biathlon participants carry guns?
A: It is a little known fact that the biathlon used to be a means of reducing the number of cross-country skiers on congested Scandinavian ski trails. Skiers would stop now and then and take pot-shots at other skiers – usually aiming to wing them in a non-fatal way. But, when skiers became endangered, guns were fired only at non-human targets on the course.

Q: What’s the deal with curling?
A: In the far north, people tend to run out of things to do. One year, some Canadians who had gone to Florida decided to play shuffleboard on a frozen lake when they got home. The pucks kept blowing away, so they used stones. And, since it kept snowing, they had to sweep the snow away to see the bulls’ eyes, or something like that.

Q: Do hockey players ever participate in ice dancing?
A: Yes, several men’s hockey players competed in ice dancing pairs a few years ago, but in the heat of competition they became confused and threw their partners against the boards, leaving the fans in the ice arena stunned – not to mention the women ice dancers.

Q: What Olympic sport is no longer included in the winter games?
A: The multi-national snowball fight had been a traditional event at the close of the Winter Olympics until the Russians – then Soviets – were accused of throwing slush balls, sending the French athletes back to their quarters sniffling that it was unfair.

Q: Has social media impacted the Olympics in any way?
A: Texting while skiing has resulted in a number of runaway downhill skiers, two of which ended up in Chechnya, where they had to pay roaming charges.

Q: Could the speed skating and cross-country ski uniforms be any tighter?
A: No.

Q: Has there ever been a figure skating disaster?
A: Yes. A Swedish skater once went into a spin that was so intense he drilled through the ice and hit a gas line. That was the origin of the term “going out in a blaze of glory.”

Of course, none of the above is true, as far as I know. I do know that my winter sport involves getting from here to there without crashing or falling on the ice. So far so good. I’m still in the medal round! ‎

Some Observations

From time to time there are topics that don’t warrant a full column, but deserve a passing comment. When I say passing comment, I’m not talking about Peyton Manning or Russell Wilson, though they deserve one as well.

It is a real hardship that Liquid Propane prices have gone up so far, and supplies have gone down. The two are related, of course. And, as expected, some in Congress are calling for investigations. In my view, investigating supply and demand is like investigating gravity, but that’s just me.

Senator Elizabeth Warren has suggested that the United States Postal Service get into the banking business. Really. What could possibly go wrong?

In Germany, the neo-Nazi Golden Dawn party said that if it is banned, it will simply change its name. That is a good example of not getting the hint that you’re not wanted.

A Nebraska man was arrested for suspicion of DUI recently. Oh, by the way; there were 100 chickens in the SUV, including 50 that were dead. I’m sure there’s a good explanation.

From the Phoenix CBS affiliate: “One of the elite athletes who crossed the finish line in the grueling Ironman Arizona last November is 49-year-old Audrey Glemba. She’s a medically-retired police officer who collects a worker’s compensation check every month for an injury she said prevented her from doing her job.” I don’t know the whole story, but it doesn’t sound good.

If Supreme Court Justice Sotomayer is correct that calling “illegals” criminals is insulting, does it then follow that to suggest that criminals have done something illegal is also insulting? “Illegal” and “criminal” are two words that are related, no matter how much one might want them not to be. I feel for people who came here for a better life, but also for those who have followed the rules of immigration law, and as a result are still standing in line to get in.

Mary Barra, the new CEO of General Motors is being paid less than half than the man she replaced. Yes, it’s still millions of dollars, but if she’s equally qualified, why the big pay cut? Oh, and the Whitehouse’s female staff averaged 18% less in pay than male staff according to an annual report from the administration.

After sharing more than a bottle of whiskey during a Super Bowl party, two brothers had a big loving hug, threw up on each other’s faces, and then had a brawl, resulting in one of the brothers having part of his ear bitten off. Super!

And, to cap things off, Russia plans to kill as many of the thousands of stray dogs as possible in Sochi, because they don’t want to be embarrassed if one runs into the festivities. It is said to be common practice to kill stray dogs in Russia. Sochi has been hiring a pest control company to do the job for years. Nice.

Oh, one more thing. A pediatrician in Delaware is standing trial for waterboarding the 12 year-old daughter of his girlfriend. Spare the faucet, spoil the child, I guess.

It’s a crazy world, if you hadn’t noticed. Lots of things happen that don’t make any sense at all. It makes reality TV seem unnecessary, doesn’t it?

A Great Idea

Generally, when someone tells you they have a great joke, it isn’t. Just ask my family. The same is often true of a “great” idea. This is probably the case here, but it’s a topic that’s been on my mind.

There are people in our country who need help. There’s no question about it. I think most people would agree that there are also people who take help they don’t need. That could apply to the general categories of corporate welfare and individual welfare of various types.

I’d say that the biggest impediment to the idea of helping people in need is that many people have the perception that we’re also helping people in “want,” who could get by without our help if they wanted to. Some have had the personal experiences of seeing food stamp recipients buying food that those paying cash can’t afford, or talking on a nicer cell phone, or getting into a nicer car. Many people also know someone on disability income who golfs, does strenuous yard work, and seems capable of working, but doesn’t.

It paints all who get assistance with a broad brush, and it’s not fair.

With more and more people becoming users of welfare services, there are fewer and fewer providers left to pay the tax bills. It seems to me that this might be a good time to rethink things all together.

First, I think there need to be serious consequences for people who “play” the system, and we need to allocate resources to police things. My main reason is that the cheaters really damage popular support for programs that can help the truly needy. Selling food stamps for cash to buy drugs can’t be tolerated, for example.

Nobody who is truly in need should be looked down upon for taking advantage of a government program. Each program defines what “in need” is. It’s possible that those definitions should be looked at, but let’s say for now that they’re all correct.

Unfortunately, some people on assistance will always need help, due to some physical, mental, or emotional limitation. Others, though, may need help temporarily, and should be given both the opportunity to become self-dependent, through job training and remedial education, and the incentive to do so, in the form of declining government payments.

For example, when people talk about long-term unemployment benefits – those that happen after the state unemployment insurance has expired – they rarely mention the studies that show a great improvement in the employment status of people whose benefits have ended. For a percentage of recipients, the end of the payments gives the job search new intensity. Why not pass an extension to those benefits that goes down 10% per month for 10 months, giving people that long to find a job?

The welfare reform that Wisconsin initiated under Governor Thompson, and a similar plan that President Clinton signed into law (which has recently been gutted) had the same general goal – to help people help themselves. Some saw that as heartless, but the people who joined the working world were generally very happy to be making a living on their own.

So, that’s my “great idea” in a nutshell, which may be where it belongs. Spend money to save money and embarrassment to the system, reduce fraud, and make benefits to healthy, able people decline over time as an incentive to work.

A Better Place Part III

This is the third in a series of observations about people who died last year. They are all relatively famous. They are not, though, any more important than friends, neighbors, and relatives we’ve lost.

It’s easier to talk about famous people passing, because they were never really quite real to us. Brothers, fathers, aunts, and sisters were a real part of our lives, and it is a challenge to get our heads and hearts around their passing.
In the world of sports, David “Deacon” Jones, the LA Rams lineman famous for his play, and for coining the term “sacking the quarterback” died. So did former New York Giants player and broadcaster Pat Summerall died, as did former coach Bum Phillips. Nice name.

Former Giant Dave Jennings died, as did Frank Chamberlin – a recent Titan – of brain cancer.
Speaking of shots to the head, boxer Ken Norton (one of five boxers to beat Mohamad Ali) and Tommy Morrison (who boxed in Rocky 5) were down for the count.

Race car drivers Dick Trickle (a Wisconsin man with an unfortunate name) Jason Leffler, Allan Simonsen, and Sean Edwards all died. All but Trickle died racing. He ended his own life.
In the world of baseball, 70 former major league players died, but few names stand out. Stan Musial does, having won seven batting titles. Frank Castillo played with the Cubs, and Ed Herrmann played for the White Sox. Long-time Orioles manager Earl Weaver was on an Orioles fantasy cruise when he expired. Definitely not his fantasy.

Remember the Billy Jack movies? Tom Laughlin was the creator and star of those good versus evil movies. Conrad Bain was Mr. Phillip Drummond, the man who adopted two black boys, Arnold and Willis. Ed Lautner was in lots of roles, usually not playing a nice guy. Harry Reems had a long… career in the porn industry before going into legitimate theater.

Hiroshi Yamauchi who ran Nintendo didn’t play baseball, but he did buy the Seattle team.
Two people who knew how to play the game in Washington died: Lindy Boggs, congresswoman from Louisiana, and former Speaker of the House Tom Foley.

Two people with multiple careers died last year. Ester Williams was a famous swimmer turned actress. She acted in a movie made at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, Michigan, where they built her a pool.
Father Andrew Greeley was, as you might guess, a priest. In addition, he was the writer of provocative novels, like “Cardinal Sins.”

So many great and infamous people died last year, and yet among those who were born, there are surely as many with the potential for importance, or even greatness. Maybe greatness and heroism we can’t even imagine.

A Better Place — Part II

One thing I’ve learned over the years of researching the recap of people who have died in the year gone by is that each list I find includes or omits people who appear, or don’t appear on other lists.  My review of those who have passed is no different.  I pick and choose, and I’m sure I overlook people you wouldn’t, and vice versa.

That being said, in this second installment of 2013 passings, the world of politics lost some major figures of change in their respective countries.  Nelson Mandela led South Africa into the modern age.  Hugo Chavez led Venezuela into a communist system, and Margaret Thatcher moved the British towards free markets from their socialist morass.

Frank Lautenberg was the last surviving WWII vet in the Senate.  Ed Koch was a long-time New York City mayor, and, I believe, the first judge on The People’s Court.

Some authors who had definite points of view, but not as politicians, also died last year.  Tom Clancy and Vince Flynn wrote thrillers that sometimes bore a striking resemblance to actual events in the world of global intrigue.

Chris Kyle was a writer, but mostly a retired Navy Seal.  I mention his death in part to pay tribute to the other special ops heroes and other military who died last year.

A hero from an earlier day, Scott Carpenter, the Mercury astronaut, made his last orbit around the sun in 2013.  When I was in first grade I thought he was the best.

In the world of journalism — kind-of — Dear Abby joined her twin sister in wherever the after-life brought them.  Helen Thomas, a journalist/thorn-in-the-side-of-presidents, asked her last question.  Roger Ebert, who won me over with his amazing courage, succumbed to the cancer that had left him disfigured and unable to speak.  He has two thumbs-up from me.

Dr. Joyce Brothers was the first psychologist to become a household name.  Surgeon General G. Edward Koop was a stern voice for better health and not smoking, and the only surgeon general I can bring to mind.

We lost some amazing inventors, including Douglas Englebart, who invented the computer mouse, Andre Cassagnes, who invented the Etch-a Sketch, and audio engineer Amar Bose, who designed arguably the best speakers in the world.

Two other inventors, of a sort, were Robert Edwards, who did the first in-vitro fertilizations, and Virginia Masters, who didn’t actually invent sex, but researched it with Dr. Johnson.  They weren’t into in-vitro.

Two Temptations died last year.  Richard Street and Damon Harris harmonized in that Motown group.  Van Cliburn was a piano phenomenon, and was almost a household name – not bad for a classical pianist.

Next week we’ll wrap up the 2013 list of celebrity demises.  I hope.  Doing this list each year makes me not take things for granted!

A Better Place — Probably

Long-time readers may recall that at the start of each new year I like to reflect on people of note who have gone along to their great reward — being optimistic, since the warmer place is a possibility. This year I’m starting with show business sorts – mostly actors and musicians.

As I have somehow managed to survive into my sixth decade, I’m finding that too many of the people who passed away last year were either much younger than I, or were fixtures throughout my life. Both groups lead me to consider my mortality, which I’d rather not. The young ones tend to die of lifestyle-related factors, while the older folks just got old. Their lifestyles may have been factors too, of course, but not as dramatically.

For instance, young Paul Walker, who made a fortune starring in movies about driving recklessly, died in a car that may have been driven recklessly. Cory Monteith of “Glee” fame succumbed to drugs or depression or both. Lisa Robin Kelly, who played the older sister on “That 70’s Show” was freed from her life of substance abuse while at a rehab facility.

Country singer Mindy McCready ended her life after deciding she couldn’t live without her boyfriend, who had ended his life a few months prior. She left two kids under ten.

Some people who were important to me, each in their own way, included Marcia Wallace (no relation) who was Carol the receptionist in the “Bob Newhart Show,” and Edna Krabapple in “The Simpsons.” Jean Stapleton was a great actress, known best for her portrayal of Edith Bunker in “All In The Family.”

Annette Funicello was a teen hottie, but before that, a Mouseketeer. In the beach movies she was always sexy, but not sexual, and drove Frankie Avalon crazy. Bonnie Franklin drove me crazy, but not in a good way. Her claim to fame for me was starring as Valerie Bertinelli’s mother on “One Day At A Time.”

James Gandolfini was Tony Soprano on screen, but apparently a warm and wonderful man in real life. Allan Arbus played Sidney Freedman the psychiatrist on “MASH.” His character is what every therapist should be. Dennis Farina was a detective on “Law and Order,” taking over for Jerry Orbach who died just a few years ago.

In the music world, in addition to Mindy McCready, Richie Havens passed away, as did “Doors” piano player Ray Manzarek, who – in my opinion – was the musical soul of that group. His playing on the song “Riders on the Storm” holds up very well.

Patty Andrews of “The Andrews Sisters” died last year, as did Jeff Hanneman, guitarist from “Slayer.” I don’t imagine they were friends. Lou Reed was a rock sub-culture icon, and Bobby Bland was a blues artist who played in a group with B.B. King back in the day.

George Jones was a long-time country star. Phil Ramone was a music producer who worked with many greats, including Madonna, Barbara Streisand, Frank Sinatra, and Paul McCartney.
Comedian Jonathan Winters also passed on last year. Many comedians of his era and since say he was the funniest human ever born, and virtually invented comic improvisation, working without a net on live TV.

Check here later for parts II and III.