The E of A

As an observer of people and language, and an expert in neither, I enjoy watching the changes that take place in how people identify things.  Over the years we’ve become much more comfortable with acronyms, and the proliferation of texting has made the increase in acronyms even greater.

Acronyms aren’t new, of course.  The Federal Bureau of Investigation has always been the FBI.  The importance of the NAACP’s acronym is so great that they keep the words “Colored People” in their name in order not to mess with those initials.

There has certainly been an “E” (evolution) of “A” (acronyms) over time, and sometimes it is hard to keep up with them.

Kids who are out of control used to be called “wild.”  Over the years that has changed to ADD or ADHD.  We could add a letter to that if a person was considered to be “Type A.”  ADHDA is unpronounceable, but maybe we can buy a vowel so it could be.

The area of sexuality has been in the news a lot over the past, oh, forever, but especially the past year or so.  At one time, people were thought of to be “normal” or homosexual.  Then, as society became more accepting, the term “Gay” became popular, with other people being “straight.”

When I was in college, the acronym “LGB” emerged, covering people who were lesbian, gay, or bisexual.  Sometime between then and now the transvestite community joined in, placing a “T” at the end.

Much more recently – a day I must not have been paying attention – the letter “Q” was added.  I understand that it means “Questioning.” If it were up to me, I’d have picked “U” for undecided, but it clearly wasn’t up to me.

In some respects I think Facebook got it right when they provided the “It’s complicated” option under the category of “relationships.”   The world of gender surely has become complicated.

So, with LGBTQ as the acronym for that “community,” I wonder if there are more letters to come.  There could be an “A” for androgynous, a “D” for disinterested, or an “R” for retired.

Honestly, I have no concern over what people do as individuals or what they decide to call it.  At this stage in my life the acronyms that most concern me are things like CD’s, SSA, IRA, FDIC, NASDAQ, and PSA (prostate specific antigen).

I’ll stay tuned for updates in the world of acronyms, though, so I can pretend to be knowledgeable and on top of things.

Life Around Us

(From July)

Those of us who have the good fortune to live in rural areas sometimes take our environs for granted.  It’s very easy to get caught up in the day-to-day demands on our minds and our senses, leaving no room for the natural world’s influences.

We’re at a stage in our lives where we have more time to stop and smell the roses, and complain because the new varieties don’t have very much scent compared to the old ones.  Without kids to monitor it’s easier to make time for nature – even in small ways.

Many people make their yards bird habitats, with many feeders and plantings to attract birds.  We have an oriole feeder and a hummingbird feeder, and that’s about it.  However, humming birds and orioles are both beautiful and fun to watch, and the orioles, along with their cousins the robins and cardinals, fill the air with sound.

We put up some bluebird houses many years ago, and sometimes the sparrows take them, but this year we seem to have a nice number of bluebirds which, seen in the right light, are beautiful.

We’ve taken to driving an eight mile route a few nights a week.  It takes us down some less-traveled roads.  We go at sunset, and count deer.  Depending on the time of year, we may see five or six, or, on one extraordinary evening, 85.  But, we’ve also seen owls, an eagle’s nest, and recently, a family of foxes and a coyote stalking three deer.

  And, there are always cranes and geese and turkeys.  The male turkeys seem to think very highly of themselves as they do their grand displays for the females, who seem to ignore the show.

These rides have taught me a few things.  First, there is a difference between looking and REALLY looking.  It’s surprising what you can see if you give it your full attention.  I think we’ve both learned some things about deer behavior.  They may not always be very good at avoiding cars (or vice-versa), but given what they contend with (weather, insects, predators, scarcity of food) they are amazing survivors.

We visited my mother-in-law last weekend.  She has many more bird feeders than we do, and a nice wooded lot that my late father-in-law transformed from a farm field many years ago.  She had a female turkey eating up seeds under a feeder.  But, even more amazing was the peacock that showed up.  Amazing, because we don’t have wild peacocks in Wisconsin.

So, if you see somebody out looking for a lost peacock in the Kaukauna area, let me know.

Real Life

There’s an old phrase: “Life imitates art.”  It can be interpreted various ways, but it is odd how sometimes things happen that seem unreal and fictional – or even fanciful.

I remember a Memorial Day weekend when we lived in Duluth.  We were planting our little garden when I noticed it was snowing.  I realized I was planting snow peas at the time.  Not an earthshaking coincidence, but still…

More recently, and far less happily, it was reported that an angry camel bit off a man’s head.  So for all those times when somebody who was being criticized said, “Don’t bite my head off,” we now know if can happen.

Back when we used to cut and bale our own hay, the expression “make hay while the sun shines” took on a literal meaning as storm clouds rolled in when we had another load to finish.  Making hay has other meetings, as does hitting the hay, or a roll in the hay.  None are enhanced by rain, though.

The expression “nothing is sure except for death and taxes” took on new meaning at the VFW fish fry in Stoughton last weekend when we noticed that the placemat had a mortuary and a tax preparation service listed.  For some reason that reminds me of the Archie’s Monuments location that used to be on Highway 26 north of Watertown which also featured miniature golf.  A very interesting combination business.  Watch out for the last hole!

Another tragic example of late: the man who attempted suicide by stripping naked and breaking in to the lions’ area at a zoo.  Throwing someone to the lions is supposed to be a metaphor.  It’s hard to imagine even the most jaded movie script including suicide by lion.

Life has imitated science fiction for many years, from rocket travel to artificial intelligence.  In fact George Orwell’s “1984” and Ray Bradbury’s “Fahrenheit 451” were, I guess, social-science fiction books that speak to thought control (Facebook?) and constant monitoring by the government (cameras everywhere in cities, cell phones being monitored…) 

Life imitates art in good ways too, of course.  It doesn’t often make the news, however. 

I don’t want to make too big a deal out of all this.  Rumor has it that there is a mole hill somewhere that might be made into a mountain, if we’re not careful.

               

Old Faces Book

The new world of social media gives those of us who want it the opportunity to keep in touch, or get back in touch with people from earlier stages in our lives.  Locating people is fairly simple these days, compared to 30 years ago, when private investigators would be needed.

Some people use these new tools, like Facebook, to get together with old flames, which turns out not to be such a good idea much of the time, as Facebook was mentioned in 42% divorce proceedings a few years ago.

For me, it’s just interesting to see what old friends are up to.  I mostly find that I exchange one email with childhood or college buddies, and then just follow them on Facebook.

Monday was an interesting day in that regard.  Early in the day I learned that a college friend is about to move to a place in the country.  I think she lives in Washington State with her husband.  Her mother just died this year – she was in her mid-90’s.

Later in the day I learned that another college friend who had just one month ago moved to a new job in Washington, DC had resigned, and was returning to his previous job in Florida.   Tough month.

Then that night, I saw a shocking post from a woman I knew in college.  She had married a great guy who was in a lot of classes with me.  His name was Ted.  They were a really nice couple.  She wrote to report that he died of a massive heart attack at age 62.  My age.  I remember going to a Marx Brothers’ double feature with the two of them.  I was a third wheel, but didn’t feel like one.

I haven’t seen Ted since 1976, so I can’t claim to have been his friend.  I still feel sorrow for his death, and for his wife’s loss.   A loss I wouldn’t have known about without Facebook.

Three college classmates: one moving to the country, one moving back to Florida, one moving to the afterlife.  There is probably a conclusion to be drawn, or a moral to the story, but I’m not sure what it is.  Maybe this: be sure to spend time and energy with your real-world friends in case they move along sometime soon.

Another Ten

The Ten Commandments are quite famous, after all these years.  That doesn’t mean they are universally obeyed, by any stretch of the imagination, but at least most people have a pretty good idea of what they are, or at least can summarize them.

Other religions, too, have their lists of rules to follow, but we won’t go into those right now.

What I will do is put forth some thoughts about ten additional commandments for your consideration.  Of course I’m not putting myself on the same status as God, and in fact, commandments is the wrong word to use.  Suggestions might not be strong enough.  How about guidelines?

You probably have some of your own to submit.  But, for the sake of discussion, here are my “other ten:”

11.          While walking, thou shalt not look to the right while turning to the left.

12.          If talking on a phone or sending a text, thou shalt not engage in any retail transaction, lest the earth shall swallow you up for eternity.

13.          Woe be unto he who says “free prize.”  All prizes are free, lest they not be prizes.

14.          Thou shalt not travel in passenger aircraft while laden with intestinal gasses seeking their freedom.

15.          Use some common sense and common courtesy before it becomes extinct.

16.          Ye, I say unto you, weareth thine capris pants, for they look fine.  They just aren’t my favorites.

17.          It is written: the lid to the juice container must be put on properly, or woe be unto he who shaketh it, as it shall leak.

18.          If your name is Barbara, and you say you are calling from Google to update my account, I deny thee, and condemn thee to my rejected call list.

19.          If there is a burning bush, it is because you burnethed thine brush on a windy day.  Wait for calm, and have shovels and buckets of water handy.

20.          Lo, it is commanded, offer not to search for ticks unless you really think there might be ticks, and not just to start some hanky-panky.

So, those are my second ten guidelines by which to live.  Consider them a rough draft.  Very rough.   They certainly won’t help you find eternal life, but might come in handy on a day-to-day basis.

It probably wouldn’t hurt  to review the original commandments too, while you’re thinking of it.  There’s one about coveting your neighbor’s lawn tractor, I think.

 

Who Trumps Who?

(From June)

As I may have mentioned, I’m not much of a game player, and especially cards. I know some of the terms, and that’s about it.  Trump, for example, denotes the suit or number that supersedes other cards in a game like bridge or pinochle, if I have that right.

It’s funny to have a presidential candidate with the name Trump who seems to be superseding the others.  But it depends on the game.  If we’re playing Uno, or Yahtzee, somebody else might be winning.  Or surely “go fish” would go to a more relaxed contestant.  Someone in favor of amnesty could win a poker game with a full house, or a socially conservative plumber might win with a straight flush.

Pro-business candidates might like running a campaign to the rules of monopoly, but one particular candidate may end up going directly to jail without collecting $200.  And one anti-business candidate might learn some things about how business works by playing monopoly, but will probably quit if he can’t bring a printing press to make more money, or get the other players to give their money to him for the greater good.

Maybe the most entertaining debate format would be a pajama party with a rousing game of truth or dare.  Or maybe, truth, dare, or with draw from the race.

I heard somebody talking on the radio the other day who made an interesting point, and some other incidents have happened since then that have supported his point.  He made the observation that this election isn’t about Republicans and Democrats, or even liberals and conservatives.  To paraphrase, it’s about common sense.

Now, that doesn’t mean that Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders actually HAVE common sense, but since the current president and congress don’t seem to, perhaps doing the opposite of what they’ve done will make sense.

I understand the sentiment, but not the logic, any more than I understood the logic of voting for someone because of their color, or voting for someone because of her gender, or voting against someone because he was a Mormon.  There are plenty of points of evaluation for each candidate, but none of the above make any rational sense to me.

I think a president should be tough, also dignified.  A president should be both forward thinking and conversant in traditions and international relationships.  Respect for other nations and for friends and foes in our own country is essential.

Being candid is a good thing, but not when it takes future negotiating options off the table.  Repeatedly and purposefully lying for political expediency is short-sighted and a character flaw.

Rainy Days

(From May)

We had some rainy days this week.  I’m sure that all the students still in school at this time of year found it a lot easier to be there with the outdoor alternative being so moist.  As someone who spent a lot of my school years looking out the window, I can attest to the torture of being in school on beautiful May days.

School will be out soon, and with it will come a summer of freedom for a lot of kids.  For some there will be summer school or various types of camps or summer programs to enrich minds, strengthen bodies, and in some cases, take care of child care normally provided during the school year.

When I was a lad, things were somewhat different. 

Summer school was not optional for me, as my time spent looking out the window during the school year seems to have deterred my learning ability.  Summer school allowed me to get caught up.  I didn’t mind it, though.  It was only in the morning, and didn’t start as early as regular school.  And, for some reason, instead of milk in the morning we got orange drink produced at the dairy that sent milk during the school year.  It was the best orange drink ever.

Other than the few weeks of summer school, and family vacations, my time was my own.  I filled it with baseball, bike riding, and television, mostly.  As I got older I expanded into the area of trying to be where girls were, in the event that one would take an interest in me.  Inter-gender socializing was not my strong suit.

I had some jobs to do around the house, but I didn’t get “a job” until the summer of my senior year.  I probably missed out on having a stronger work ethic because of that, but I also had more time to just be a kid.  Since we end up working for most of our lives, that time off was a good thing.

I think about summers from those days when the weather turns warmer.  Certain smells and sights trigger strong memories of that time.  Mowed grass, fresh tar, and the rich green of the summer leaves.

Things have changed.  For safety sake, children have less freedom to get on their bikes and go.  Baseball is mostly a supervised activity.  Oh, and then there are video games.  Enough said.

I hope the students in school now make it safely to the end of the term, and have the chance to enjoy some freedom this summer.  It will help get them through a lot of rainy days as the years go by.

A View

I inadvertently stumbled on the television show known as “The View” the other day.  I am clearly not the target audience of “The View,” so I generally don’t watch it.

During the three minutes I watched, host Whoopi Goldberg quoted candidate Donald Trump as saying that all Mexicans are murderers and rapists.  Trump says a lot of intemperate things, of course, and would benefit greatly from a lengthy bout of laryngitis, but I was remembering the speech in question, and I didn’t remember it that way, so I looked it up.

It turns out that what “The Donald” said was this: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems to us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

So, what he said isn’t what Whoopi said he said.  It was not very kind, nor was it diplomatic.  But he didn’t say anything about “all Mexicans.”

Just for the sake of clarity, let’s break down what he said.  First, he asserts that Mexico is sending people.  While it is true that the Mexican government has supported the emigration of people from there to here, partly because of the many millions of dollars that those emigrants send back to their relatives in Mexico, it isn’t officially “sending” anyone.

Are the Mexicans who come here Mexico’s best people?  Good question. By definition they can be considered law breakers, but our country’s immigration policies have not been strong, and many Mexicans have taken advantage to find a better life.

The people who come over the border can also be said to be motivated, risk-takers, driven, and entrepreneurial.  Those are good things.  But, some of them are also motivated by the criminal gains they can make, or by gaming the system.

And, unlike legal immigrants, people coming over our southern border aren’t vetted for criminal records.  So, yes, some are bringing drugs and crime.  And, if you read the paper you’ll know that some are rapists and murderers.

Trump’s biggest error was in saying that he assumes “some” are good people.  He might better have said that while “most” are good people, it is probably not the wealthy or well- educated Mexicans who are escaping Mexico, and some are dangerous criminals.

So, Trump said what he said, for better or worse.  Whoopi and others mis-remember his quote as being much more extreme than it was in reality.  I don’t think that helps anything.

Odd News

                You may be saying, “But Peter; isn’t the regular news odd these days?  Look at the candidates running for president, for example.”

                This week I’m not going to look at the headlines from UPI.Com/odd news, and by doing so make the “normal” news of the day seem less odd.

1.       “Dolphin jumps into a boat full of tourists in Mexico.”  That seems only fair considering all the tourists who jump into the water to swim with the dolphins.

2.       “Firemen chase fridge-raiding bear from second story apartment.”  Only YOU can prevent leftovers!

3.       “British inventor builds homemade hover bike.”  What could possibly go wrong with a bicycle in the sky?

4.       “Florida man tries to feed raccoon; learns valuable lesson.”  This one is a video, but I couldn’t make myself watch it. 

5.       “Loose alpaca captured in Massachusetts.”  I didn’t know alpacas could be promiscuous.

6.       “External wall peels from side of Chinese high rise.”  It is now known as banana tower.

7.       “Brooklyn pizzeria to sell pizza box made entirely of pizza.”  Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.

8.       “Uninvited alligator removed from Louisiana living room.”  As opposed to the many invited alligators…

9.       “Paramount Pictures sued over copyright of Klingon Language.”  Next: Pig Latin.

10.   “Menacing monkey steals cell phone from tourist’s hand.”  Now the man with the yellow hat is using pay phones.

11.   “Gorilla birth at Prague zoo stuns zoo keepers.  They didn’t know she was pregnant.”  Sounds like a new show on MTV.

12.   “Australian brewery creates beer using yeast from belly button lint.”  It can be served with bread and toe-jam.

13.   “Olympian Nick Symmonds auctioning ad space on his shoulder.”  Could be worse.  He could be a Chippendale dancer.  And the ad could be not on his shoulder.

14.   “Woman returns library book 67 years late.”  She apparently reads only one word per day so she can really savor it.

15.   “Cambridge area man decides it is time for lunch.”  That one isn’t from UPI.com, but I can attest to it being true!

Belief and Fact

                A couple of things happened within 24 hours of each other, and it occurred to me that they were related, in a way.

                The first involved a weak moment on my part.  I shared a post on Facebook that was very nice and not at all political.  One of my grade school classmates “liked” the post, and added a snide comment about a presidential candidate.

                To quote comedian Mike Birbiglia, what I should have said was “nothing.”  But, instead I replied with what I thought was a fair response regarding another politician.  Her reply indicated that she believed I was such an unbelievable idiot that she couldn’t believe her eyes.  She didn’t actually say that, but she may as well have.

                The thing is, my original reply to her snide remark was easily defendable, based on real information and real facts.  But, her belief to the contrary was too strong to have made any of that relevant, so I just shut up at that point. 

                The next morning I saw an opinion piece that discussed the topic of biological facts that conflict with strongly held beliefs.  It dealt in part with the North Carolina hub-bub over bathroom choices, but was broader than that.

                He referenced the woman who was in the news a while back because she “identified” as black, though she wasn’t.  He also pondered about a hypothetical adult man who might “identify” as 13 years-old, and how we as a society would view that person dating another 13 year-old.

                In both cases the person in question might very sincerely believe that they are, in one case black, and in the other case, 13.  Beliefs are very powerful, and when they are so strong, the facts seem irrelevant.

                To further complicate things, people with unsavory motivations can claim to “identify” as black or 13 or whatever, and there is no way to know what is their minds, let alone their hearts.

                The author – a psychiatrist — offered the opinion that the laws should honor the facts, and not the beliefs, not to disrespect people with those beliefs, but to maintain an orderly society.  So, he’d say that the white woman identifying as black wouldn’t qualify for affirmative action, and the adult couldn’t date the 13 year old.

                I’m sure I have some deeply held beliefs that don’t hold up well to facts and logic.  Like my classmate.  And, to be fair, although religion is based on facts as they have been passed down over the ages, it’s mostly about faith and deeply held beliefs.

                I guess I don’t want to – and I don’t want government to – decide what beliefs are valid and which ones aren’t.  Maybe, then, the laws should avoid that side of things all together, and focus on what is known.

Old Faces Book

                The new world of social media gives those of us who want it the opportunity to keep in touch, or get back in touch with people from earlier stages in our lives.  Locating people is fairly simple these days, compared to 30 years ago, when private investigators would be needed.

                Some people use these new tools, like Facebook, to get together with old flames, which turns out not to be such a good idea much of the time, as Facebook was mentioned in 42% divorce proceedings a few years ago.

                For me, it’s just interesting to see what old friends are up to.  I mostly find that I exchange one email with childhood or college buddies, and then just follow them on Facebook.

                Monday was an interesting day in that regard.  Early in the day I learned that a college friend is about to move to a place in the country.  I think she lives in Washington State with her husband.  Her mother just died this year – she was in her mid-90’s.

                Later in the day I learned that another college friend who had just one month ago moved to a new job in Washington, DC had resigned, and was returning to his previous job in Florida.   Tough month.

                Then that night, I saw a shocking post from a woman I knew in college.  She had married a great guy who was in a lot of classes with me.  His name was Ted.  They were a really nice couple.  She wrote to report that he died of a massive heart attack at age 62.  My age.  I remember going to a Marx Brothers’ double feature with the two of them.  I was a third wheel, but didn’t feel like one.

                I haven’t seen Ted since 1976, so I can’t claim to have been his friend.  I still feel sorrow for his death, and for his wife’s loss.   A loss I wouldn’t have known about without Facebook.

                Three college classmates: one moving to the country, one moving back to Florida, one moving to the afterlife.  There is probably a conclusion to be drawn, or a moral to the story, but I’m not sure what it is.  Maybe this: be sure to spend time and energy with your real-world friends in case they move along sometime soon.

Another Ten

                The Ten Commandments are quite famous, after all these years.  That doesn’t mean they are universally obeyed, by any stretch of the imagination, but at least most people have a pretty good idea of what they are, or at least can summarize them.

                Other religions, too, have their lists of rules to follow, but we won’t go into those right now.

                What I will do is put forth some thoughts about ten additional commandments for your consideration.  Of course I’m not putting myself on the same status as God, and in fact, commandments is the wrong word to use.  Suggestions might not be strong enough.  How about guidelines?

                You probably have some of your own to submit.  But, for the sake of discussion, here are my “other ten:”

1. While walking, thou shalt not look to the right while turning to the left.
2. If talking on a phone or sending a text, thou shalt not engage in any retail transaction, lest the earth shall swallow you up for eternity.
3. Woe be unto he who says “free prize.”  All prizes are free, lest they not be prizes.
4. Thou shalt not travel in passenger aircraft while laden with intestinal gasses seeking their freedom.
5. Use some common sense and common courtesy before it becomes extinct.
6. Ye, I say unto you, weareth thine capris pants, for they look fine.  They just aren’t my favorites.
7. It is written: the lid to the juice container must be put on properly, or woe be unto he who shaketh it, as it shall leak.
8. If your name is Barbara, and you say you are calling from Google to update my account, I deny thee, and condemn thee to my rejected call list.
9. If there is a burning bush, it is because you burnethed thine brush on a windy day.  Wait for calm, and have shovels and buckets of water handy.
10. Lo, it is commanded, offer not to search for ticks unless you really think there might be ticks, and not just to start some hanky-panky.

So, those are my second ten guidelines by which to live.  Consider them a rough draft.  Very rough.   They certainly won’t help you find eternal life, but might come in handy on a day-to-day basis.It probably wouldn’t  hurt  to review the original commandments too, while you’re thinking of it.  There’s one about coveting your neighbor’s lawn tractor, I think.

Garden Archeology

                I’ve been planting gardens of one sort or another in about the same place for the past 30 years.  Part of it had been a garden when we moved in, and part of it was an old building which we tore down after living at our place for a year.

                Over those years, we’ve taken stones and glass and metal out of the soil every year.  Some of it was from the building we tore down, some from buildings long ago forgotten, and some from various junk and farm equipment over the 150 or so years that people have lived at our place.

                Last year, for the first time, I decided to keep all of the metal I harvested from the soil.  The photo you see here includes a majority of what I found.  Keep in mind that this is after 30 years of taking other pieces of metal out.  It also doesn’t include an equal amount of glass pieces, plastic, rubber, etc.

                Some of the metal is rusted beyond recognition.  A lot of the metal consists of nails – many of them old square nails.  One large gear and an angle iron spoke of machinery and building.

                It’s easy to see the things through the lens of the here and now.  It’s good, sometimes, to remember that other people once lived where we once lived.  They maybe waited impatiently for warmer weather the way we do each spring.  Maybe they pulled arrowheads out of the ground instead of metal pieces.

                I’m sure they worked harder to get by than we do.  Their garden was not a hobby, I’m sure, but a necessity. If there were children, perhaps it was their job to cultivate and weed the garden.  Maybe they were the ones listening to the birds and daydreaming as they worked: the way I do now.

                 It’s good to be outdoors again, as spring eases forward.  It’s good, too, to know that as we work in the soil that we’re following in the footsteps of so many others from so many years ago.

Keeping Busy

                I guess everybody has a list of things to do at work.  Those lists aren’t very interesting to anyone other than that person, or the person that person works for, or the people he or she tries to talk into doing the things on the list.

                The same is probably true for our list of things to do at home.  My list might be interesting only because of its size and scope.  Well, to be honest, that’s not technically true.  The size of my to-do list is unknown, because I’m terrified to write it all down.  I’m afraid if I saw it all I’d run away from home.

                Here are some of the things I should do: prepare the soil and plant grass on both sides of our garage.  Fifteen hours.  Remove all the dead stuff from the flower garden. Two hours.  Prune the flowering crab tree. One hour.  Rake the thatch out of the grass.  Three hours.  Aerate the lawn.  Two hours.  Spot plant grass seed.  Two hours.  Remove dead shrubs.  Three hours.  Organize garage. Ten hours.

                So, that’s the tip of the iceberg, and I’m up to almost a 40 hour week.  No time for the day job, naps, television, petting the cats, Culvers, or crossword puzzles.

                The thing is, I love doing all the things on the list, and thinking of more new things to add to the list.  The sad thing is that it seems that winter will come back (not the snow that will fly between now and Memorial Day) before most of it is accomplished.

                The happy thing is that this time of year we have some warm days, but nothing is really growing enough to need attention.  No grass to cut, no weeds to pull.  That being said, I wasn’t happy to see mosquitoes out last Saturday, though it felt good to get my first kill under my belt.

                Part of my problem in crossing things off my list is that I’m easily distracted by other things on the list.  Considering the entire list is virtual, existing only in my mind, it’s easy to veer from item to item to item.  After all, they all need to get done.  So, I tend to work on what seems fun at the time.  That may be a youngest child phenomenon.

                Honestly, I should be more organized about my list.  Maybe I will write it down and prioritize it.  I’ll probably still ignore it, but now and then I can cross off the things that happened to get done in spite of the list.

                To paraphrase The Bard, “To do, or not to do: that is the question.”

Oh Canada!

                Every leap year in recent memory it seems that some Americans – especially famous Americans – promise to leave the country if their opposing presidential candidate is elected.  President George W. Bush brought forth those proclamations, as did President Obama. 

                There is renewed enthusiasm for those promises now that Donald Trump is doing well in the Republican nomination race.  In fact, on-line inquiries on how to emigrate to Canada spike after each Republican debate – or so it has been reported.

                Canada would be a convenient choice, since people could escape there by car.  Comedian Kathleen Madigan refers lovingly to Canada as America’s attic.  To paraphrase her: you forget it’s up there, but then you go, and you see there’s a lot of cool stuff up there.

                They do have a new leader, who is young and Bernie Sander-ish, so many anti-Trumpsters would probably be very happy.

                Interestingly, CNBC reported a while back that the number of Americans giving up their citizenships has increased dramatically over recent years.

                According to the U.S. Treasury Department, in the period 1998 through 2008, roughly 500 people per year gave up their citizenship each year.  In 2008, only 231 people turned in their papers, but in 2015 alone, over 3,400 people gave up their citizenships. 

                Many of those people may already have been living abroad, and chosen to cut their patriotic ties for all sorts of reasons, including more tax enforcement, but some may have become disenchanted with the direction of our country.

                I don’t know if I’d leave the country if the “wrong” person were elected.  I’ve lived through some presidents I didn’t much like.   I’d like to think that my happiness doesn’t rely so much on the government as it does on myself and my family.  But, I guess everybody has their breaking point.

                It’s also true that it’s probably better for people to leave than to stay and complain constantly.  Complaining doesn’t really help anything.  

                It’s also true that if it became more favorable for people to live in the United States – tax-wise – fewer people would leave, and in fact, a lot of people with a lot of money might decide to come back and pay the more reasonable taxes.  We know that some people move from high tax states to low tax states, not because they’re greedy, but because they like to keep more of what they’ve earned.

At this point nobody knows who will be the next president.  The least that can be said about this year’s contest is that it is very, very interesting, and it’s hard to escape the feeling that almost anything could happen.  I guess you can keep a bag packed and your car gassed up, or charged, just in case.

 

A Different Way To Nominate

(From April)

                Watching the process we go through every four years of electing our national leadership can be pretty painful.  According to historians it always has been.  Modern media probably makes it worse, because we can see it all in high definition, and let’s be honest, some people should not be seen in high definition.  I’m sure I’m one of them.

                The punches and counter punches (terms actually used by one of the candidates in particular) are entertaining, to a point, but mostly discouraging.  I find myself picturing the various contenders sitting across the table from an adversary from a foreign country and wondering what in the world that person would think.  To be honest, I’m not sure what they think now with our current president, or the one we had before, for that matter.

                In my career I’ve served on a number of committees charged with selecting a job applicant for a position opening.  It occurred to me this morning that the presidency is, at its core, a job, and that the president really works for us.  And, as such, we are actually a gigantic human resources department that is ready to make the hire.

                The primaries, then, are like two search and screen committees that are charged with bringing forth the two best candidates. 

                So, the way it works in the real world is that candidates for a job submit a resume and a cover letter.  Let’s say each of the candidates had done that.  It would show their experience, education, accomplishments.  The cover letter could indicate why they want the job and what they’d like to accomplish if they are chosen.

                As the committee, we could look through each resume, and check them for accuracy, and put them in order of preference.  Then we could interview each one.  It would be like a debate, without any shouting.  Just questions from the committee, and answers from the candidate. 

                Then we’d choose.  By “we,” I mean the Democrat committee (all Democrats) and the Republican committee (all Republicans).  A resume, an interview, a vote, and done.

                This plan couldn’t work, of course, for a number of reasons, mostly the First Amendment, but it’s true that if you block out all the shouting, the information above is pretty much all available if you look for it.

                Be of good cheer.  Only eight months to go!  (As long as we don’t go into overtime again.)

That Word

                What if I were to write about a word, but never actually use the word?  Why would I do that?  Well, for starters, it is a word that never used to be said in polite company, isn’t allowed on broadcast media, and wouldn’t be allowed in this newspaper.  It isn’t racial or otherwise ethnic, just coarse, crude, and inappropriate.

                It is a word that is, I think, purely slang in nature.  It can be used as a verb, an adjective, an adverb, an exclamation, and any number of utterances, none of which really make any sense nor add anything useful to a conversation.

                The word has shock value, which is why many comedians, who are not confident in being funny in other ways, use the word often, because audiences who are uncomfortable with what they are hearing tend to laugh, like when somebody burps (or makes other body noises) in church.

                Shows on the pay TV channels enjoy using this word as one of the reasons to charge people to subscribe to their services, in addition to showing various body parts from time to time.  The Fox TV program “Mad TV” did a parody of “The Sopranos” as if it had been edited for broadcast TV.  Of course, with that word removed the scenes hopped around like a flip book, and each show was ten minutes long.

                Plenty of otherwise decent people feel perfectly fine about using the word on Facebook and other internet postings.  In fact, there’s a very good science education site that uses that word in its name, for reasons that completely escape me.  More than once I’ve thought of sharing something very interesting from that site, but haven’t, since I’m uncomfortable passing something along with that word on it.

                Am I a prude?  Maybe a little, gosh darn it.  Mostly, I think that incivility has its roots in language, even if it is used innocently.  But we have enough linguistic tools at our disposal without using the nuclear option, don’t we?  After all, if I call someone an idiot, do I really need to say what kind of idiot that person is? 

                Anyway, it’s food for thought.  And, if you still don’t know what word I’m referring to, good for you!

               

Folksy Quotes

(From February)

                I thought it might be fun to hear some quotes from speakers who really capture the imagination of large segments of the American public.  Obviously, their directness and glib wit makes them excellent contenders for the presidency.

                Here are some great quotes:

“If you can’t stand a little sacrifice and you can’t stand a trip across the desert with limited water, we’re never going to straighten this country out.”

“A weak currency is the sign of a weak economy, and a weak economy leads to a weak nation.”

“If you see a snake, just kill it – don’t appoint a committee on snakes.”

“The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river.”

“The budget should be balanced, the treasury should be refilled, the public debt should be reduced and the arrogance of public officials should be controlled.”

“Most new jobs won’t come from our biggest employers. They will come from our smallest. We’ve got to do everything we can to make entrepreneurial dreams a reality.”

“War has rules, mud wrestling has rules – politics has no rules.”

“There are but two things worth living for: to do what is worthy of being written; and to write what is worthy of being read.”

“Which one of the… candidates would you want your daughter to marry?”

                And who was this silver-tongued orator?  H. Ross Perot, the two-time, third party independent candidate for president.

                Perot did better than most third-party candidates, but never seriously contended for the presidency.  He was kind of like the Dr. Phil of politics.  Here are some of Dr. Phil McGraw’s quotes:

“You don’t need a pack of wild horses to learn how to make a sandwich.”

“You don’t need a rope to pinch a stranger’s butt.”

“It’s hard to see your own face without a mirror.”

“I think you’re running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, ‘Brace yourself honey, here I come!’”

“I’m not a politician.”

                So, what have we learned today?  I’d say… nothing, other than that Ross Perot and Dr. Phil are both from Texas, as is former CBS News anchor Dan Rather:

“Don’t taunt the alligator until after you’ve crossed the creek.“

“I’d much rather wear out than rust out.“

“…but again that’s like if a frog had side pockets he’d probably wear a handgun.”

“Never eat spinach just before going on the air.“

“This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex.”

“Their so-called samples of opinion are no more accurate or reliable than my grandmother’s big toe was when it came to predicting the weather.”

“It’s an egomaniac business, filled with prima donnas – including this one.“

“And now the sequence of events, in no particular order.”

I wish they could all be president at the same time!

Who Trumps Who?

  (From January, when the campaigns were young.)

                As I may have mentioned, I’m not much of a game player, and especially cards. I know some of the terms, and that’s about it.  Trump, for example, denotes the suit or number that supersedes other cards in a game like bridge or pinochle, if I have that right.

                It’s funny to have a presidential candidate with the name Trump who seems to be superceding the others.  But it depends on the game.  If we’re playing Uno, or Yahtzee, somebody else might be winning.  Or surely “go fish” would go to a more relaxed contestant.  Someone in favor of amnesty could win a poker game with a full house, or a socially conservative plumber might win with a straight flush.

                Pro-business candidates might like running a campaign to the rules of monopoly, but one particular candidate may end up going directly to jail without collecting $200.  And one anti-business candidate might learn some things about how business works by playing monopoly, but will probably quit if he can’t bring a printing press to make more money, or get the other players to give their money to him for the greater good.

                Maybe the most entertaining debate format would be a pajama party with a rousing game of truth or dare.  Or maybe, truth, dare, or with draw from the race.

                I heard somebody talking on the radio the other day who made an interesting point, and some other incidents have happened since then that have supported his point.  He made the observation that this election isn’t about Republicans and Democrats, or even liberals and conservatives.  To paraphrase, it’s about common sense.

                Now, that doesn’t mean that Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders actually HAVE common sense, but since the current president and congress don’t seem to, perhaps doing the opposite of what they’ve done will make sense.

                I understand the sentiment, but not the logic, any more than I understood the logic of voting for someone because of their color, or voting for someone because of her gender, or voting against someone because he was a Mormon.  There are plenty of points of evaluation for each candidate, but none of the above make any rational sense to me.

                I think a president should be tough, also dignified.  A president should be both forward thinking and conversant in traditions and international relationships.  Respect for other nations and for friends and foes in our own country is essential.

                Being candid is a good thing, but not when it takes future negotiating options off the table.  Repeatedly and purposefully lying for political expediency is short-sighted and a character flaw. 

2015 Goodbyes

Each New Year I take a look at people of note who passed away during the previous 12 months.  That list is subjective, of course.  The main web site I refer to is unceremoniously called dead people server (www.dpsinfo.com), and they list around 50 people this year, which is too many to comment on here, so I’ve picked some, and you can look at the rest, if you want.  This week I’ll focus on entertainers.

Betsy Palmer meant different things to different people.  To me she was a panelist on “I’ve Got A Secret,” the game show hosted by Gary Moore in the late 50’s and early 60’s.  To others she was a talented stage and screen actress.  More people, sadly, know her from “Friday the 13^th” movies, where she played Mrs. Voorhees.

Marjory Lord played Danny Thomas’ wife on “Make Room for Daddy” on television.  Dick Van Patten was a daddy of eight on “Eight is Enough,” along with dozens of other TV and movie roles.

More iconic television personalities from my youth passed into the next realm last year.  Among them were two “Laugh-In” regulars: Gary Owens, the legendary radio host and emcee, and Judy Carne, the British hottie, and one-time wife of Burt Reynolds.

Elly Mae Clampett headed back to the hills as Donna Douglass passed away.   Al Molinaro, who played a cop on “The Odd Couple” and the proprietor of Arnolds drive in on “Happy Days” died of gall stones, which I didn’t know could be fatal.  That’s Al for you.

Leonard Nimoy of “Star Trek” fame lived reasonably long and prospered.  Martin Milner was the wiser partner in “Adam 12,” and one of two main characters in “Route 66,” among dozens of other roles.  Here’s something: He was married once, for 58 years, until death did they part.

Speaking of which, you know Ben Stiller?  Well, his mom and dad were a great comedy team, called Stiller and Meara – and Jewish guy and an Irish gal.  Funny, right?  Well, they were.  Jerry Stiller is still with us (he was the dad on “King of Queens”), but Anne Meara died last year.

Marty Ingels is somebody you might not have known.  He was married to the beautiful Shirley Jones of Marion the Librarian fame.  But I mention him because he was in an odd but wonderful TV show with John Astin (later to play Gomez Addams) called “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster.”  It was a bit ahead of its time.

Dean Jones was the protagonist in about 300 Disney movies in the 1960’s.  Melody Patterson was “Wrangler Jane” in the wonderful “F-Troop” TV series.  Yvonne Craig was “Bat Girl,” the only secret Alfred seems to have kept from his boss.

Finally, the original British “Avengers,” featured John Steed and Emma Peel.  John, played by Patrick McNee, always had an umbrella for rain and for a weapon.  Emma, played by Diana Rigg, had wit and great beauty.  Well, McNee has left us to fend for ourselves.

Sawyer Sweeten, who played one of the twins on “Everybody Loves Raymond” committed suicide last year due to career, social, and money problems.  He was 19.  “MASH’S” Trapper John, otherwise known as Wayne Rogers, died on New Year’s Eve, as did Natalie Cole, daughter of Nat King Cole.  Both were great singers who died too young.

Lesley Gore was not concerned about global warming, but was concerned about crying at her party, and sang a pre-feminist anthem written by John Madara and David White called “You Don’t Own Me,” which is one of my favorite songs from that era.  She was 69.

Ben E. King and B.B. King died a month apart.  Ben was best known for “Stand by Me,” which was a great song.  B.B. was a blues icon.  Our older daughter heard B.B perform live before she was born in Duluth, Minnesota.

Country singer Lynn Anderson never promised us a rose garden, and James Horner’s Heart Went On, but only until his small plane crashed last year.  He wrote the “Titanic” soundtrack, but also the music for “Apollo 13,” “The Wrath of Kahn,” and “Avatar.”

Omar Sharif was a dashing actor in Lawrence of Arabia and Dr. Zhivago, and less dashingly an internationally known bridge expert.  The card game, not the structures.  Louis Jourdan was another dashing actor, as was Rod Taylor.  They are dashing no more.

Anita Eckberg starred in “La Dolce Vita,” so I hope her life was sweet.  Stan Freberg made life fun for a lot of people through his radio comedy and his many decades of funny commercials.  Wes Craven was a gifted director who seemed to think about death a lot.  Now he is seeing it first-hand.

James Jude invented CPR.  He died July 28^th.  Two days later Louis Sokoloff died.  He invented the PET scanner.  Three days later Howard Jones died.  He and his wife did the first in vitro fertilization of human babies.

Next week a few more, and some observations about the changing of the guard.

Meadowlark Lemon was a fabulous basketball player and an even better clown who entertained millions with the Harlem Globetrotters over 25 years.

Two other African Americans of note died last year.  Edward Brooke was the first post-Reconstruction black person elected to the United States Senate.  He was a Republican from Massachusetts.  Julian Bond was a civil rights activist, and founder of the Student Non-violence Coordinating Committee and chaired the NAACP.  He lived for 100 years.

You have never heard of Charles Townes, have you?  He was co-inventor of the laser.  Zap.  Who is John Nash?  He had a Nobel Prize in economics, but he also had a movie made about him.  It was called, “A Beautiful Mind.”  It was about him going, um, nuts.

Rod McKuen was a very popular poet, which means academic poets didn’t much like him.  Here’s a stanza from one of his poems:

“It’s nice sometimes to open up the heart a little and let some hurt come in. It proves you’re still alive.”

Colleen McCullough wrote “The Thornbirds” in which a beautiful woman kept having affairs with a handsome priest.  Jean Nidetch didn’t write a novel or have an affair with a priest, as far as I know, but she did found Weight Watchers which has helped a lot of people over the years.

Jack Carter was a comedian who was one of the first to bridge the gap between joke telling and storytelling.  He always had a cigar.  Paul Prudhomme always had a crawfish.  He was one of the early celebrity chefs, making New Orleans cuisine.  He was quite round.

You know, millions of people died last year.  Some were famous, some weren’t famous at all.  Some were our friends and family.  Some had no friends or family.  Some were killed because of their religion or ethnicity.

We tend to mourn some deaths more than others, either because the people are close to us, or because of their fame or newsworthiness.

Who will we be mourning next year at this time?  It’s impossible to tell.  Maybe someone will be mourning us?  Either way, I guess it won’t hurt to spend some of our time in the next year making things right with the people we care for, and most importantly, if what we’ve been told since childhood is true, we should be sure to wear clean underwear.